I did have it out. Looks ok, contacts and the crimp connections to the wires seem solid as far as I could see. Poked and pried at em with a probe.
As far as I can tell the signal side is one wire straight to the big ECM connector. I couldn't trace the ground side. I haven't pulled the ECM connector off yet.
I did use a small screwdriver to pry the sides of the relay socket contacts in a bit so they're tighter. Felt tight plugging in and removing relays, but figured it couldn't hurt.
I guess the part that bugs me about the loose connection theory is that it's never happened while driving. Thousands of miles, days at a stretch off road and it's never skipped a beat. It's only happened on starting in a parking lot. Two times about 8 months apart.