_______________________________________________________________________________
He recently reminded my mother that he taught me to shoot, hunt, fish, and 4 wheel. He told her only difference was I got hooked on them **** toyotas and he's a jeep guy
After reading your story and about Army, I think I will try once more to rekindle our former friendship. We'll see how it goes.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Absolutely nothing bad can come out of trying one more time (even if it doesn't go well). I had thought of sharing this a few days back, but decided against it...your post made me wish I had. sorry this is jut off the cuff...so I might end up rambling a little.
9/27/1986. My hero and my best friend, my dad past away from lung cancer at 44. I had always looked up to him and nothing made me happier than to be around him, learn things from him. Like most boys I thought my dad was indestructible....so when he was diagnosed with cancer in april of that year i thought he'd just beat it like everything else, no problem...I was only 15...I didn't know any better. Well as the summer wore on I knew my first reaction was wrong....he wasn't winning this battle...but I refused to admit it....I also didn't know that at the beginning of the Sept the dr told him and my mom they were going to stop the chemo...it just wasnt working. He tried to talk to me about it...but i was strong enough to really listen and know that this was it.
That last day is etched in my mind like no other....not just because I lost my hero...but because of how I let it end. I remember as I was walking out the door looking and seeing my dad sitting in his chair in the living room...our eyes locked.
(There was never a single day where we didn't say hi/bye to each other at the very least "I can still here him say Hi Pal, or bye pal to me..he always called me pal for some reason) The thing was neither of us said anything...for me everything went quite and into a slow motion....and I continued out the door neither of us braking gaze. At practice about an hour later I saw my best friend's mother walking across the field...again the same **** slow mo effect...as her long skirt blew in the breeze (it was one of those incredibly beautiful fall new england days)...I knew that second why she was there, my heart sank like it never has before or since. I walked slowly over to her and my coach....all he could say was "it's your dad"... I nodded, head hung low, and walked with her and off to the hospital. My dad had gone into arrest as his lungs just couldnt get enough oxygen to his system...he was in a coma. I lost the chance to tell him how much I loved him, how much he meant to me, how proud I was to be his son...I know he knew this but it still should have been said one last time. Not a single day has gone by in the last 26 years that I haven't thought of him....and regretted my cowardice that day in facing my fears of losing him and telling him what he meant to me.
While obviously our stories of our fathers is completely different there is one reason I write this. Aside from my wife and my children there is not a thing on this earth I wouldn't give up for 5 minutes with my father...just to tell him those few words I wish so desperately I had said to him on his last day.
And I know that me getting my 40 had a lot to do with him. I had always dreamed as a kid of buying him back
his dream car ....a 1962 pontiac bonneville convertible he had sold when he married my mom. I think by me getting my 40...wrenching on it a little bit helps me to be a little closer to him...to think of how we would have worked together on his car...and of the great times we would have shared.
I can't tell you how sorry I am for the time lost between you and your father - time that you can't get back, I know its a different pain from mine, but that it can hurt just as bad - or even worse...and I pray that the next time you reach out to him works...but I would also hope that no matter what you never give up, never stop trying until the very last day to get through to him....all those "lost" days would pale in comparison to the joy of gaining that relationship back...for you, for him, and for your children.
I know we all hope to hear of some good news from you on this...and I know if I do I'll shed a tear and tip a pint to the memory of my father...and the future memories for you and your dad.
BTW, cold beer and fried chicken is sounding pretty good about now. And potato salad. And more beer. 
next time though
