Well, typically if you go to a doctor and he gives a diagnosis, it's common to get a second (or even a third) opinion. When all of the diagnosis' are the same it's a pretty good bet that that's a good place to start with your treatment.
If you're getting multiple people who you consider to be knowledegable on the topic give you the same reason for it, I think it might be a good thing to consider.

Even if it doesn't make sense to you. I'll respond here publicly since I was one that you reached out to privately and are now complaining about "going quiet" to your "logical reasons" why it doesn't makes sense. I'll point out that many people, myself included, don't just have the forum open constantly to respond immediately to any comment or question that arises. So maybe a bit of patience would also do you good, especially when you're waiting for a response from someone that isn't even tied to the company in any way.
I realize you don't think it makes sense that over-extending your shocks could damage the shocks but I'd wager that if you speak to ANY shock manufacturer they will tell you not to over-extend the shock or else it could risk damage. Having no extra "load" from the spring isn't necessary to apply sufficient force to potentially cause damage. There are lots of factors, but just the weight of the axle/tire could be enough to cause the damage you're having. Most 80 series with radius arms in the front will max out travel before one that has a 3-link or links that don't hit a physical restriction like radius arms hitting the axle brackets. Those physical limits are also effected by the type of bushing used in the links and whether or not stock style swaybars are installed. These parts can all limit travel (at least in part) which would explain why no bolt-on suspension kit is sold with limiting straps. A poly bushing is almost always going to flex less than a factory rubber bushing for example. So, your comment about maybe running a softer bushing might exacerbate the problem if you're allowing more suspension travel to take place with a shock that is too short. A softer bushing at the top pin of the shock *might* help with side loading but it will still have a physical limit.
I'd ask another question about your setup. Do you have adjustable panhards or a rear panhard lift bracket installed? If your axle isn't centered you'll have additional lateral force on one of the shocks for sure as the suspension droops. What about coil spacers? Are you running any coil spacers?
Lastly, the fact that if you unbolt the top of the shock it will allow the axle to droop farther is definitive evidence that the shock is too short and it getting extended past it's limit at full flex unless you have something else in place to limit the droop. Don't know how to be more clear about that. If you're side loading the shock pin to the point of breaking it, then something is off in your suspension geometry. Otherwise it would be happening to everyone running those shocks, which it is not. I'd also suggest not ruling out that you might be causing the damage by bottoming out the shock. If your bumpstops or tires aren't stopping the suspension compression before the shock bottoms out, that can also cause damage.