A journey with my boys- The Elf Barn as I call it. (1 Viewer)

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Glad to have @thatcabledude and his girlfriend swing by the casa. We are doing the Best Texas BBQ trail the next two days. For all those visiting Texas, hope this gives you the real deal places. Not the Dickeys, Spring Creek, Rudy’s which is not the real deal.

Objective- try Beef Rib, Sausage, Brisket at each place. Maybe some desert. Rate it and share what the feast looks like.

Did some pre-game homework scratch notes on itinerary which gives a quick snapshot of the locations we gonna hit.

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Louie Mueller Beef Rib and their brisket will ruin all other meat for you...

And honestly, other than ambiance and history, you could probably skip Lockhart all together. Definitely "good" but you have better on that list. (I shot several campaigns for YETI touring the best BBQ joints in the country, Texas slays...)
 
Sorry to leave y’all hanging on the BBQ trail shenanigans. Just getting over the meat sweats😁.

Before I get into it, huge kuddos to @thatcabledude for offering up his van!!!! Highly recommend anyone planning this trip to get a van and ride together!!!!

Ok. A few housekeeping matters before I get bbq bludgeon from the central texas folks on Mud. Happy to take the licks. Lock and Load…

1) Trail Team had a mixture of hard core bbqers and novices. Rankings are more representative for the masses.

2) Most rank the meats only. We took it further by assessing the most common fixins (slaw and potatoe salad), staff attitudes, vibe of the place, extent of smoked walls/tables/ floors, ability to see “how the sausage is made), number of awards vs bitchigness of the awards.

3) We did not do the Texas Trinity (brisket, sausage, pork ribs). We dropped the ribs because its not a differentiator.

4) If the wait time was > 3 hours they got on the s*** list. Cant rate what you cant eat!

5) The ranking crew of 5 ate off the same plate order, same cuts. Not multiple plates/orders.

6) If it had a drive through, no solid wood piles sorted by age, or corrugated stuff that was chrome plated, or offered anything St. Louis style, we left the building.


Here we go!
 
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Louis Mueller’s, Taylor Texas.

Sign or no sign- its busy. If you know….you know. No billboards announcing it. Oozes old school. Whole place was well smoked in. Including the business card board. Staff was a little soup nazi-ish. Don't touch or move the tray as they get things piled on. They will tell you when to touch the tray. They did not show you their smokers or how it goes down.

They have a bitchin James Beard Award! No one else had this honor!! Wicked! Folks from all over the world (pins on maps)!!! Rankings below

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Louis Mueller cont’d
Recognised by the State of Texas as a historic establishment

@thatcabledude took the beef rib bone home to hang on his wall manly accomplishments surpassing Mayor’s (Dwayne ARIOLA) manliness

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Louis Mueller’s- crew’s ranking results. Yea their sausage was consistently meh!

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The Original Blacks, Lockhart, TX

Billboards 3 miles out. Massive ad campaign outdoing boards from “Vote for Sherrif” candidates. Redirecting traffic. They have a corporate office….hmmm. Vibe was definitely on the money! President LBJ used to get BBQ shipped to the White House from this joint! Definitely a family affair including feuds (two Blacks restaurants because of it in Lockhart, one is original, the other is not). You have to select your fixins before the meats which is ala cart and odd. Have to think of desert before the main meal. Staff were courteous and attentive. When the brisket was being dolled out, I “whispered” to @thatcabledude that the last slice was dry. The meat slicer dude who has dog ears heard it and piled a heap extra which was cool. Walls were not smoked out. Dining area had more merchandise than cutlery and little more like Cracker Barrel than BBQ mecca-ness. The old signage on the walls was legit.

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The Original Black’s contd

Lots of family tradition, a tad light on bitchin awards. Definitely some Texas Monthly nods, the food network recognition was “cute”.

They did not share how it all goes down! Meat comes to chopping block from back behind a “wall”.

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The Original Black’s crew ranking. In hindsight, the ambience was not as bitchin as some others. I let it pass.

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Kreuz Market, Lockhart, TX.

Signage on approach and proximity was non existent and muted. The ominous building is definitely A Texas sized Meat Church for sho. Despite its size it is tucked under an underpass or a Blacks Billboard…cant remember.
The “how” was on clear display, pit style, no indirect firebox, hot embers singed you on a depression on the floor and heat directed somehow magically went into the pits. You could get a good subcutaneous smoke ring while you wait to order. I could have developed a bark on my bald head that could have passed as hair. The wait was short unlike the “s*** places” shared later below.

The pits were massive but dwarfed by the cathedral ceilings.

Staff was courteous at the pit. They were little twitchy at the dining area. If you moved a chair they pounced on you. Do not rearrange the chairs any. Felt like playing musical chairs to piss them off. They need pews to round out the church feel and solve the chair obsession. Wood pile was legit. Sorted by size and age. The building was split in half. Non Ac’d side shared the pits, walls smoked as was the furniture. The AC’d side was like Cracker Barrel minus the aged. Fixins were separated by the firewal and sparse.

The awards were not celestial.

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Kreuz Market Crew Ranking

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Southside BBQ, Elgin, TX

Home of the hot sausage on the big font on the building it said. Figured out they meant temperature not spicy. It went downhill from there. Ambiance was a mixture of a local country bank and a Cracker Barrel. The plating and portions looked great from afar, but far from good. Cashier sign was good. Gifts are elsewhere, not here. We were in a search of a citrus palette cleanser after the experience.

Awards were mediocre and hung up by the toilets in a dingy corner. Nuff said. Bypass Elgin, TX. Peace out!

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Southside BBQ, Elgin TX crew ranking

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Smitty’s Market, Lockhart, TX.

We did a double take when we saw the sign. Tiny white sign, red lettering. Barbecue was not part of the small font main name. It was in smaller font below. Then a nondesript barbecue sign under the awning. The front door was meshed and had been rehung several times with hinges from every decade. No name on it. The GPS signal was the smell of meat smoke. The place was catty corner down a street off the main square.

Open the unassuming mesh doors and there is the hallway that leads you to your BBQ creator. The hallway is about 60 ft long. Walls were smoked through and through. Awards adorned both sides of the hallway in every category of meat and year over year to boot! This is literally THE hall of fame.

At the end of the hallway they had the “how” on transparent display, pit style, “open hearth” fireboxes. Ambient temps are easily 115F. You have to squeeze by the hearth to get to the alter of meat. They dont serve forks because you don’t need it. No plates. Butcher paper.

The meats were next level. I had the revelation that The Original Black’s is “All hat, no cattle”. I will let the pictures say it all.

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Smitty’s Market contd

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Smitty’s Market Crew Ranking

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We tried to hit the Burnt Bean but it soon hit the s*** list with the others on it.

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We got home to much number crunching and analysis of the polls. We analyzed it in a few different ways. Enjoy. Hats off to @thatcabledude and his girlfriend crunching it.

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We also took @thatcabledude to Austin to Jenni’s ice cream. If you know, you know. I was not in the know, he was. We also got some pics of some cool cars, a Lincoln Zephyr was rare to see.

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We also crashed at @SipLife ’s new abode for the night. It was good for all of us to hang with him. He had a great first week at International Truck Co.

We took some BBQ samples for a blind tasting. His words

“This one is s***”= The original Blacks

“This one is amazing”= Smitty’s Market

Peace Out!

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