I guess I'm not really sure where to begin. I suppose the first thing to note is one small inaccuracy I noticed while reading this thread. The plate in my leg that Slowerthanu made reference to on the first page is not 6 inches long. It's closer to about 13 inches long, and I have 10 screws holding it to my femur.
So that's the million dollar subtle answer to my identity. I'm Stevan, and last week, I was gifted with the biggest surprise I think I've ever received. It took me a while to read through this whole thread, and it has nothing to do with it being 7 pages long, and everything to do with being overwhelmed.
I think the whole magnitude of this event still hasn't quite settle in yet. I went down to Moab with a bunch of my friends and family last weekend. I was really exited to be going for a couple of reasons. One, because it had been a long time since I've been down, and this was my first big vacation since I got shot. I could never describe how much I love that place for all it's red dirt and sharp rocks. Two, there was a whole bunch of people I really care about, and I think it was probably our largest expedition since we started going down there. Three, it was kind of nostalgic for me, because it had been a long time since what I would call the "core group" of us had been all been down together again. Too long truth be told.
The first night we got to Moab, we settled in and waited for everybody else to arrive. Then we all rallied up down at Dan's parents place for a "get to know everybody" social and have a beer while we were at it. Dan's parents are amazing people, and it had really been a while since I'd seen them, so I was looking forward to it. Another event that has been too long in the making. I also remember thinking there were way too many cars in the driveway and out on the street, and didn't suppose his parents were expecting that many people.
So everybody is just kind of mingling around and talking excitedly about all the trails we were going to do and getting to know each other... pretty much just carrying on and swapping stories. My brother Rick, Dan, Todd, and I were all just catching up when Dan tells me we need to go get ice for the party, and asks if I want to go along. Well, of course I do, so he hands me the keys to somebody's truck and tells me it might be better if I drive, because the last beer he had was getting to him. Well, that was a little white lie, but he played it off perfectly. The four of us head outside, and I didn't really notice the place had kind of emptied out and gotten a little quiet.
We walk out the front door, and I was heading down the driveway towards my uncle's truck, which was the one I had the keys for. As I'm walking down the driveway, I hear my brother say "Steve... do you want to just take your landcruiser?" I guess I didn't really understand what he was asking me, so I turned around to look at him, and he points over by the garage and says "it's right there." I look to where he was pointing, and there, out of nowhere I might add, because it certainly wasn't there when we pulled up, is this totally badass FJ55 on steroids. I was looking at it, and I certainly didn't recognize that it was mine, until I looked at the license plate. So I'm dumbfounded, and the only thing I can manage to say is "that is my landcruiser", which was more of a question than a statement. Then I remember there was about a dozen camcorders and cameras out, and everybody is out there pointing them at me. I ran over to it as best I could, and had to stand on my toes to peer in the back window. It was never that tall before. I'm looking in the window, and really the only thing other than the license plate that I could recognize was a soccer sticker in my front window.
The rig has undergone a complete transformation, and there is no way I would recognize it if I happened to pass it on the road before then. I would have just thought that thing was totally sweet, and told myself I needed to do something with mine someday. When it comes to rock crawlers, I don't really know much about building one. The most I'd done in 6 years with that thing was take out the carpet panels to clean them, take out the front bench seat years ago when Todd gave me his old buckets, and worked for days on end to try and scrape up a bunch of rust from the inside floors.
It's truly incredible what they did too that thing, and there is no way I'd ever be able to even attempt it. Let alone, do it in secret, all while trying to hold down jobs, manage family life, keep up houses and cars, and everything else you do to maintain your own lifestyle. I was trying not to cry like a baby over the whole thing, but I don't think I was doing very good at it, so I opened up the driver side door and stuck my head in there for a bit. After a minute or so, I climbed up inside, which was a feat for me because like I said before, she's a lot bigger than she used to be. I settled in to the driver seat and fired her up, and man does she run and sound so good. After I spent about 20 minutes just gawking at it and flipping through the picture album they gave me with it, that documented the whole surgery, we took it for a test drive. Power steering and good brakes are nothing to be looked over, I can attest to that. I'm still trying to let the whole thing sink in, and I drove it all weekend.
They gave me my choice of trails to run the next day, but they already knew which one I was going to pick. We headed off to Kane Creek the next morning as that's my favorite trail down there. She performs like a seasoned champ. Even though we got hammered by rain that would fall like crazy for a few minutes, then the sun would come out, it would rain again, sun, rain, sun, etc. I only ran into one obstacle at the end where I was getting some slip on the tires and it was a little tippy, so we hooked a strap up real quick and pulled her up. I think it had more to do with me than the rig.
On Saturday, we hit Flat Iron Mesa, and rolled right through all the obstacles without any help. We skipped Tilt-a-whirl to save us a little bit of time, and to save the sanity of a few friends and family passengers we had with us that had never crawled before. Other than that, I think we hit every other obstacle out there and rolled right through them.
Sunday was a long day, and we managed to talk Dan's mother into running a trail with us in her FJ Cruiser. She drove like a pro and hung in there like a champ all day long. We started out with the plan of just doing Poison Spider Mesa, but that ended up into doing the entire Triple Threat run. That's PSM, Golden Spike, and Gold Bar Rim for anybody that isn't familiar. I think we were all just having too much fun, and didn't want it to come to an end, so we just kept going on. The only obstacle on PSM I wasn't overly thrilled about was the Waterfall, as it's kind of tippy, and I've just never been fond of that. I picked the wrong line first, and got a little sideways on it, so I backed down, moved over a bit and hit the right line, and climbed up and over it like it was a speed bump.
Prelaunch pad.. check. Wedgy.. check. Golden Crack.. add a little human weight coefficient to the front passenger side tire. Check. Golden Stairs. Check. Gold Bar Rim was no problem either. The real surprise wasn't how my 55 handled, but how well Dan's mom and her FJ Cruiser handled everything. That was quite the introduction to rock crawling for her.
When we were not on the trails, I found every excuse I could to drive around town and show it off, without actually having to say I was just dragging Main Street in Moab just to show it off. I absolutely love it, and just in case anybody was wondering. No, it is not for sale. Ever. So don't bother asking me when they get some pictures up. Todd already tried to make me a low-ball offer and I didn't just say no. I said hell no.
During the whole trip, I heard stories about people stepping up and prying their fingers from spare parts to ship across the country. I heard about the Red Dwarf and how she was pillaged by brigands with open-end wrenches. I heard about Kurt standing fast after a fire tore through Cruiser Outfitters, and still he offered up his second to none service. People over at Wasatch Cruisers, fellow rock crawlers, Moab lovers, and current and former law enforcement officer/off road enthusiasts, army wives, family men, and even jeep lover/toyota haters, just to name a few, who all made donations to a faceless Paypal account to supply funds for the project. I heard about all kind selfless acts of charity, all to a project for me, a person none of you had ever met.
The thought of all that generosity to an unknown person has a profound effect on me. I've been through a really rough patch lately, that goes beyond the scope of getting shot in the line of duty, but that event was the catalyst for everything else. I was having a really hard time coming to terms with some things, and one of the biggest was the thanklessness that can come with this job. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I got shot by this criminal who shouldn't have even been on the streets, and how that fraction of a second it took for the bullet to tear through my leg, was having such a huge, negative affect on not only my life, but the lives of all of my family and friends. So many people went through so much grief with me, and in some aspects, what they went through emotionally was twice as bad as what I went through physically and mentally. It is very hard to watch somebody you care about so much go through so much pain and disability, and know there isn't anything you can do to help. They can't even relate to it, so they do all they can, which is just watch, suffer through it with me, and offer up any support or help you can. There were plenty of times when I was just so pissed off about the whole thing, and there didn't seem to be any end in sight, and nobody outside of those people who already knew me, or had some connection to law enforcement seemed to care.
It was all over the news for about a week, and in part, it was due to the fact that including me, 3 officers had been shot in 36 hours, one of whom died. I think that's a record for Utah, and I also set a record as being the first officer shot in the line of duty for my department, as well as the first person shot in the line of duty while operating on the task force that I was. Not the kind of records you want to be setting I might add.
Well, I was wrong. Very, very wrong about the whole thing. Despite dealing with some of the foulest, lowliest people out there at work, there are many more people out there who are fine, caring, and decent people out there. For every guy out there like the one who shot me, there are dozens more who are people just like me. People that love there friends and families, love their hobbies and projects, go to work and contribute to a better society, serve their country, and in general, love and appreciate life. At the end of the day, it is people like you guys on this forum, who make people like me understand why I do the job that I choose, and why I chose to heal up as best I can, and go back to the job I love and do the best I can.
You always hear about people and their heroes, and most are lucky to have one in their life. I could never narrow it down to just one person, but I'm lucky enough to have them everywhere I turn with my family, friends, and good people like all of you guys.
I hope that someday I get to meet you on the trail and shake your hand and tell you thanks personally. I didn't think to take a camera with me, as I was worried about falling over with it in my hand and breaking it. I'm still not as stable as I used to be on my feet, but I'm working on it. That and this was the first time I was driving a rig. Before I was always a second rate wheel man jumping in and out of rigs to take pictures with everybody's camera but my own. Hopefully one of the other guys who came along can post some pictures up soon.I shouldn't be hard to miss though. Just look for the big green and black FJ55 with the soccer sticker in the front window and a driver that has a grin from ear to ear on his face, and you'll know it's me.
Sincerely and with heartfelt thanks,
Stevan Gerber