As gruesome as it is, one twisted positive way to view these terrible ICU decisions that might help the caregivers cope is that very few people over 65 who end up needing intubated for Covid-19 will live anyway. “Generally, after intubation, 31 percent of patients ages 65 to 74 survive the hospitalization and return home. But for 80-84 year-olds, that figure drops to 19 percent; for those over age 90, it slides to 14 percent.” The survival rates after intubation in these age groups for people with Covid-19 have been MUCH lower, in some cases under 5% from age 65 on if I recall correctly. Everyone deserves a chance, and the decision will still be gut wrenching, but it will be an easy and obvious decision in many cases. You intubate the person who could make it.
That's very encouraging for a 70 year old VietNam vet with COPD who lives 2,000 miles away from his only living relative - know anybody like that? Come on, take a guess.
I happened to bump into a guy in an international airport once who changed my life. We were both waiting for connecting flights - he was going to somewhere in India and I was flying home to Japan. While I was trying hard to lose myself in some paperback I'd picked up at an airport book store, he was doing dips using the arms on his chair. My first thought was, "Geez, can't this guy just sit still?" But there was something about the way this guy looked and moved that made me think there might be something more to him than just a frustrated gym rat, so I introduced myself and we started talking. I don't remember his name, but he said he was going to climb mountains. When I asked if that was why he was doing impromptu exercises while waiting, his answer caught me off guard - he said, "I'm doing my best to control the subjectives."
When I asked what he meant, he explained that the "subjectives" are what we have control over, as opposed to the "objectives" over which we have no control. And when it comes down to it, it makes no sense to worry about the objectives, just do our best to control the subjectives. So, in his case, the subjectives were things like his physical conditioning, choosing what mountain to climb, who to go with, when to go, what equipment to bring, etc. Those are the things worth worrying about and doing one's best to control. Once the decisions are made, and the preparations are complete, everything else is beyond one's control. At that point, one should not waste time worrying about what has been done to prepare, just concentrate on how one best applies one's resources to the current problem.
Upon reflection, I realized that in my personal life I was wasting a lot of time worrying about things that were totally out of my control - the objectives - and not enough time focusing my life on improving my subjectives.
Indulge me just a little longer.
Again in an airport - Charles de Gaulle in Paris - I was flying in from London and when I disembarked I found myself in a sea of humanity waiting to get through passport control. It was early 1979. Most of the waiting passengers were from the Middle East and there were only two or three gates open to process what must have been more than 3,000 people. I knew I was in for a long wait as where I was there were not even established lines to get into, just a mass of humanity hoping to move forward. I was not a patient person, and I guess my countenance made that pretty obvious.
After a while, I saw a guy near me who was very casually leaning on his only luggage - what looked like a sample case on wheels with a handle. He was reading a paperback and looked totally composed. The book was in English, so I greeted him hoping to maybe make the time pass more quickly with some conversation. Turns out he was a great guy to talk to, with an interesting story. Still not sure why he was in Iran in the first place, but he said he had to leave in a hurry because of all the unrest and riots - everything he owned was in his rather small sample case. Turns out he was fleeing the Iran Revolution shortly befall the Shah fell. When I asked him how he could be so calm, he simply said, "Don't sweat the small stuff." In that moment, I realized that what I viewed as all my worldly troubles (the huge crowd at the airport) was to this guy, simply, "small stuff."
So, I guess it's all about perspective. Control the subjectives. Don't sweat the small stuff.
HTH