I have to tell this story because it's too sad not to. I fixed a friend of my wife's AC unit a couple weeks ago. While I was working on it she and her husband come out and talk to me. During the conversation they ask if I liked steak. Huh? Of course I do, you would have to be a mentally challenged PETA lover not to. So she says that her husband makes the best steak in the world. At this point I stopped what I was doing and actually started listening. She say that she would like to have my family over for a steak dinner one night and try these magical steaks her husband casts from the gods.
This past Friday was the day I will never forget. We all went over to have a steak dinner. I was particularly excited to get to taste the best steak ever. When we got to the house I started the inspection of the place that I would come to worship as the house the magical steak. We came in the side door of the house. It was then I noticed the grill. It was a newish Weber kettle. After seeing that I told myself this could be promising. After 30 min of chatting the guy ask me if I was ready to have the best steak ever. I didn't know how to answer. Did he think I just took a shower, changed the kids into fresh clothes and diapers for my enjoyment? How would one say no?
So he goes to the kitchen and I follow as I want to know his secrets. This sadly is when it went down hill fast. He proceeds to take what vaguely resembled steak out of the fridge. 4 Steaks in fact. It was thin, really thin. To thin to be a steak as a real steak is at least an inch or more thick. I though maybe this was some sort of wrap for the steak and the real steaks were already sitting out somewhere at room temp. But no I was to be disappointed for the first of many times that night. He takes these pancake size meat cuts out of the fridge, sets the on the counter and then goes for the spice cabinet. At this point I realized he planned to marinate this unholy and undeserving meat cut with spices. He pulled out garlic powder, and cayenne pepper and started rubbing them down. I had never seen such a thing and for a brief moment that this couldn't be that bad. But then it happened. He pulled out of the cubbard vegetable oil and slathered it all over these meat cuts. The worst sin of them all. Everyone knows you don't put vegetable oil on meat destine for the grill. It will instantly burn on a hot fire. By this time I'm devastated. He then busts out the Kingsford charcoal. But then creates another sin buy dousing it in lighter fluid. At this point I thought it would be at least another 20 min before he put the meat cuts on but I was wrong. No more than 5 min transpired before he put them on. I watched as he lifted the cover to a yellow lighter fluid infused fire and threw them down. I wanted to go home. But I figured it wouldn't be long now with the meat cuts being so thin it would only take a couple min to cook them. I was wrong. He cooked them for 20 min. They came off that grill not meat but something that resembled an oil stain in my driveway. It had no flex in it and it was black all over.
When the steak was served I attempted to eat it. I mixed it with the baked potato and imitation bacon bits we had been given. I loaded it down with salt but it was useless. It was a complete and utter failure. This guy sitting across from me should have his man car taken away and his wife's mouth must be sewn together for uttering of thing that I shall have from the heavens. My wife didn't eat it and my kids didn't even know what it was. It will be something that is etched in my memory for the rest of my life as I burped that foul tasting meat thing for the next day. My stomach couldn't digest it and eventually it all turned to a gas and exited anyway it could.
This past Sunday my wife said she was going to Costco and I knew what I had to do. I told her to pick up the best marbled pack of rib-eyes she could find. In fact she talked to the butcher, told him the story and he cut me four 2 inch thick rib-eyes of his best stuff. I let them sit for 2 hrs getting to room temp. Lightly rubbed them with olive oil and a nice coating of fresh cracked black pepper and kosher salt. On the 600 degree Ducane grill that had some of my prized hickory sitting in the smoke tray. No more than 5 min total. That night we ate the noble steaks with a russet potato. The only garnish for my steak was a spoonful of raw horseradish. It was not the best steak I'd ever had but it was in the top ten and help me come out of the shock from the weekends events.
This past Friday was the day I will never forget. We all went over to have a steak dinner. I was particularly excited to get to taste the best steak ever. When we got to the house I started the inspection of the place that I would come to worship as the house the magical steak. We came in the side door of the house. It was then I noticed the grill. It was a newish Weber kettle. After seeing that I told myself this could be promising. After 30 min of chatting the guy ask me if I was ready to have the best steak ever. I didn't know how to answer. Did he think I just took a shower, changed the kids into fresh clothes and diapers for my enjoyment? How would one say no?
So he goes to the kitchen and I follow as I want to know his secrets. This sadly is when it went down hill fast. He proceeds to take what vaguely resembled steak out of the fridge. 4 Steaks in fact. It was thin, really thin. To thin to be a steak as a real steak is at least an inch or more thick. I though maybe this was some sort of wrap for the steak and the real steaks were already sitting out somewhere at room temp. But no I was to be disappointed for the first of many times that night. He takes these pancake size meat cuts out of the fridge, sets the on the counter and then goes for the spice cabinet. At this point I realized he planned to marinate this unholy and undeserving meat cut with spices. He pulled out garlic powder, and cayenne pepper and started rubbing them down. I had never seen such a thing and for a brief moment that this couldn't be that bad. But then it happened. He pulled out of the cubbard vegetable oil and slathered it all over these meat cuts. The worst sin of them all. Everyone knows you don't put vegetable oil on meat destine for the grill. It will instantly burn on a hot fire. By this time I'm devastated. He then busts out the Kingsford charcoal. But then creates another sin buy dousing it in lighter fluid. At this point I thought it would be at least another 20 min before he put the meat cuts on but I was wrong. No more than 5 min transpired before he put them on. I watched as he lifted the cover to a yellow lighter fluid infused fire and threw them down. I wanted to go home. But I figured it wouldn't be long now with the meat cuts being so thin it would only take a couple min to cook them. I was wrong. He cooked them for 20 min. They came off that grill not meat but something that resembled an oil stain in my driveway. It had no flex in it and it was black all over.
When the steak was served I attempted to eat it. I mixed it with the baked potato and imitation bacon bits we had been given. I loaded it down with salt but it was useless. It was a complete and utter failure. This guy sitting across from me should have his man car taken away and his wife's mouth must be sewn together for uttering of thing that I shall have from the heavens. My wife didn't eat it and my kids didn't even know what it was. It will be something that is etched in my memory for the rest of my life as I burped that foul tasting meat thing for the next day. My stomach couldn't digest it and eventually it all turned to a gas and exited anyway it could.
This past Sunday my wife said she was going to Costco and I knew what I had to do. I told her to pick up the best marbled pack of rib-eyes she could find. In fact she talked to the butcher, told him the story and he cut me four 2 inch thick rib-eyes of his best stuff. I let them sit for 2 hrs getting to room temp. Lightly rubbed them with olive oil and a nice coating of fresh cracked black pepper and kosher salt. On the 600 degree Ducane grill that had some of my prized hickory sitting in the smoke tray. No more than 5 min total. That night we ate the noble steaks with a russet potato. The only garnish for my steak was a spoonful of raw horseradish. It was not the best steak I'd ever had but it was in the top ten and help me come out of the shock from the weekends events.
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