Jokes thread

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A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a Cajun on a flight to Louisiana.

After the plane took off, the Cajun asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The Cajun then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
 
Lil Johnny Meets Barack
*
*
*
Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the
classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their
meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the
discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious president asked the
class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
*
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him,
that would be a tragedy."
*
"No, said Obama, that would be an accident."
*
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
*
"I'm afraid not, explained Obama. That's what we would call great loss."
*
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the
room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
*
Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet
voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a
'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
*
"Fantastic! exclaimed Obama. That's right. And can you tell me why that
would be tragedy?"
*
"Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell
wouldn't be a great loss ,
and you can bet your a$$ it's probably not an accident either."
 
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend
time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take
his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality
time - pancakes, ice cream, candy, just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel
like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to
their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue
and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive and
breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her

grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with
grandma?" he asked. "Not really, Pa Pa, it was really boring. We didn't see
a single a******, queer, lesbian, piece of crap, horse's ass, liberal
pinkodemocrat Obama lover, blind bastard, dip****, Muslim camelhumper or son
of a bitch anywhere we went!"****

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
 
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Breaking news: The University of Arkansas offered Jessica Dorrell a first-class ticket to any place outside of Arkansas but she declined. When asked why, she explained she only rides coach.
 
Make that coaches...

Engaged to the swim coach while doin the football coach.

She likes the surf & turf.
 
Nice one lash!
 
Anybody friends with these guys?
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