So I headed back to Mr. Cruiser on a Saturday morning. When I stepped out of the truck in my mechanic coveralls, the look on his face was priceless. "Are you....working...today?" he asked. "No, and I don't mean any offense, but I'm not leaving my truck alone with you again. I'll stay and work on it with you until it's done right."
He explained that he had put two of his lowest-rung employees on the job thinking it would be a "simple bolt on" and that he would "give them hell on Monday" but not to worry, because today he had brought in his best mechanic.
After scoping out the shop a bit...
I again brought out the printed ARB instructions, showed them the steps they had missed and asked where my missing parts where. Luckily they were all still together in the milk crate I had dropped them off in.
So we took the bumper off the truck. Then the fun started.
As his "best mechanic" was looking over the bumper on the workbench, the body shop owner said "See, ARB gave you the wrong [indicator]
lights. Look - the lights you have are square but the holes in the bumper are rounded." I then showed him how, when you screw the lights to the backside of the brackets they APPEAR rounded when looking at the truck because of the cutout, but yes, the square lights can and do attach to the back of the rounded opening 
.
As all this was going on, the "master mechanic" started drilling holes in the bumper on the workbench.
Why is that a big deal? Because, as you remember, the bumper was not oriented correctly on the brackets, causing the front to point skyward.
To back up a little, the gist of the ARB instructions are:
1. Cut the frame horns off
2. Install brackets to frame using factory bolts
3. Attach bumper to brackets using bolts through slotted holes (adjustable)
4. Line everything up properly
5. Drill holes through the brackets and frame to securely attach. Drill holes through bumper and brackets to securely attach (there is no more adjustment that can be made at this point)
By the time I realized what the "mechanic" was doing it was too late, the holes that pin the bumper to the brackets were drilled. There goes any adjustment we had to work with
I wanted to scream at this point. I mean literally scream "LOOK AT THE DIRECTIONS. THEY ARE RIGHT HERE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY WON'T YOU FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS!!!"
So we bolted the bumper back on and sure enough it still (and will always) point skyward in the front. I guess the silver lining is that each time I look at it I'll remember why I do my own work whenever possible
One thing that stood out was that even with the ARB frame brackets mounted correctly, my URB on the passenger side is not usable because of the condenser plumbing. It is not physically possible to get a shackle pin in there. Even if the A/C condenser wasn't there the skid plates would have to be notched in order to use the recovery point.
I didn't come across this in my research of the URBs and it certainly wasn't mentioned on Jonsey's website, but to use these recovery points with an ARB bumper takes some extra effort. My plan is to torch an opening in the ARB bracket so the URB can be flipped. Should be easier to secure a shackle in an actual recovery situation that way too.
Next up was tires.
Or is it tyres
Again, "best tyre shop around" - this is Brusta Motors in Harare. Frankly not that bad. They mentioned my 255/80R17 KM2s would cost $500 ea if I had bought them in Zimbabwe

. I was watching the tire guys like a hawk as they changed out and balanced my 5 tires. Near the end, after about an hour and a half of basically watching over their shoulders every second during the process for the first four tires, I found myself leaning up against the garage door jamb kind of dazed, looking out into the parking lot as the rain started to fall.
In the background, somewhere, was the sound of a handheld grinder doing its thing. Then I hear the shop manager come around the corner screaming "WHY? WHY? WHY?" and I turn around to see my fifth tire on the floor with a guy using a grinder around the inner (bead) lip. "Boss, it's too tight to fit on the wheel."

In truth, I think the guy was just tired after using all of his body weight to mount the previous four tires. It was the end of the day. He wanted to go home. Why continue to make such an effort with these stupid tires (which according to BFG have "single strand beads...[which] enhance the tire's fit to the wheel to improve uniformity and ride quality) when the customer isn't looking and the boss isn't around? Logical if nothing else

. Obviously, that one is my spare and my new motto is "Don't turn your back, don't look away, and DON'T blink."