We are all likely familiar with the banana scale used to rate the difficulty of a project. 
This is a scale that measures the level of frustration and mental stress that a project has caused - which (in my case) manifests itself via the use of profanities. So I decided to create a scale - and the following is the result...
I will say that I start every project at a level P1 and things often quickly escalate and plateau at P7. I have been at P9 and once or twice at P10...there were witnesses.
Use of Profanities Scale
P 0 = Doesn’t exist. Well, not while working on a vehicle, anyway. If you ever try to use this number you’ll likely be kicked out of this forum for fraud. [Edit: I suppose you could claim this number if the Barista got your coffee order just right after you stopped off at Starbucks on the way home from having your vehicle perfectly serviced (with a free car wash) while still under warranty.]
P1 = You could do this job in church - with a microphone on your lapel. The thought of cursing doesn’t even enter your happy mind. You may hum a song from a Disney movie like Frozen while completing this service. Should something not go as planned you might say with reflection “Huh, that’s odd.” or maybe “Rats” with a smile and a shoulder shrug.
P2 = A few “Dang its” here and there – nothing more.
P3 = You use cute words in places where an actual curse word could be substituted later on in this scale. “Oh, Fahrvergnugen.” Or “Holy cheese-its, I can’t believe I just dropped that in the intake.” Your kids will think these words are kinda funny and you should expect to hear the little ones repeating them to their friends.
P4 = Now you are getting a little frustrated and sarcastic. Name calling is creeping in: “Geez – what were those morons thinking?” and “Oh, come-on…Did those clowns weld this nut onto this bolt?” You could still do this job in front of your young children or even your neighbor’s children who attend a private Catholic School.
P5= You start using those distant cousins of real curse words. “Get the freakin’ heck off of there, you stupid hose clamp!” Occasionally, at this point, subtle references to foreplay may enter the mix: “Come on! Do I need to talk dirty to you to get this thing off of here?” If you are smart, you should probably draw the line here regarding the subject of having children within earshot.
P6= The muttering of real curse words begins. It’s a single slip of the tongue here and there: “Sh!t. Dammit”. But it’s not a stream of bad words. Your kids might be exposed to as much if they watch premium cable TV – but its best they don’t hear it from you. The neighbors’ kids should go home now.
P7 = You have fully explored the range of traditional cuss words. (Refer to George Carlin’s The 7 Things you can’t say on TV) This is not an exercise in creativity; these are the go-to’s – the ones everyone knows. Your own kids definitely shouldn’t be around. It’s OK for the wife to hear these as she’s likely heard them all before – but she does wonder aloud why you tell people you enjoy working on cars as a hobby. “F*@k, what the he!!? Why won’t this piece-of-sh!t come off?” You are likely blaming a lot of other people for your unfortunate predicament: the previous owner, the last service tech, the design engineer, the assembly line worker, the f*@king idiot at the service counter that sold you the wrong part……You get the idea.
P8 = You are taking the lord’s name in vain. You feel bad about it – but it just keeps happening.
P9 = This is truck-stop material. No-one else should be around. Hopefully your insulated garage door is closed and your neighbors aren’t home. You can’t think or utter a 5 word sentence without using at least 3 or 4 curse words. Primary and secondary sexual characteristics and prostitution are often used as colorful adjectives and adverbs (I’m getting out of my area of expertise here – I was never a great English student). You’ll find yourself addressing parts directly as if they can hear you: C%@k-sucking, mother f*@king, a$$hole retainer clip!...Why won’t you f*@king come off, you f*@king whore-a$$ bitch?!” It’s best to turn the volume way up on that old stereo you saved from college and put in your garage – this is what it was made for.
P10= This is some serious sh!t. Everything you said earlier seems almost laughably juvenile. Truckers are offended. You start to really empathize with those who have used the “temporary insanity” plea for some heinous act of violence and start making plans for your own introduction of reasonable doubt for when it’s your day in court. You wish there were more offensive things you could say. There aren’t. So you start making stuff up. Your nonsensical venomous verbal tirades have sent your wife and kids to her mom’s house for the weekend. Now you are speaking in tongues - you’ve lost it. The best thing to do is to put that hammer and 50” breaker-bar (and extension) down and just walk away. Tomorrow is another day.
I'll include this rating on my future projects so you know how it really went!
This is a scale that measures the level of frustration and mental stress that a project has caused - which (in my case) manifests itself via the use of profanities. So I decided to create a scale - and the following is the result...
I will say that I start every project at a level P1 and things often quickly escalate and plateau at P7. I have been at P9 and once or twice at P10...there were witnesses.
Use of Profanities Scale
P 0 = Doesn’t exist. Well, not while working on a vehicle, anyway. If you ever try to use this number you’ll likely be kicked out of this forum for fraud. [Edit: I suppose you could claim this number if the Barista got your coffee order just right after you stopped off at Starbucks on the way home from having your vehicle perfectly serviced (with a free car wash) while still under warranty.]
P1 = You could do this job in church - with a microphone on your lapel. The thought of cursing doesn’t even enter your happy mind. You may hum a song from a Disney movie like Frozen while completing this service. Should something not go as planned you might say with reflection “Huh, that’s odd.” or maybe “Rats” with a smile and a shoulder shrug.
P2 = A few “Dang its” here and there – nothing more.
P3 = You use cute words in places where an actual curse word could be substituted later on in this scale. “Oh, Fahrvergnugen.” Or “Holy cheese-its, I can’t believe I just dropped that in the intake.” Your kids will think these words are kinda funny and you should expect to hear the little ones repeating them to their friends.
P4 = Now you are getting a little frustrated and sarcastic. Name calling is creeping in: “Geez – what were those morons thinking?” and “Oh, come-on…Did those clowns weld this nut onto this bolt?” You could still do this job in front of your young children or even your neighbor’s children who attend a private Catholic School.
P5= You start using those distant cousins of real curse words. “Get the freakin’ heck off of there, you stupid hose clamp!” Occasionally, at this point, subtle references to foreplay may enter the mix: “Come on! Do I need to talk dirty to you to get this thing off of here?” If you are smart, you should probably draw the line here regarding the subject of having children within earshot.
P6= The muttering of real curse words begins. It’s a single slip of the tongue here and there: “Sh!t. Dammit”. But it’s not a stream of bad words. Your kids might be exposed to as much if they watch premium cable TV – but its best they don’t hear it from you. The neighbors’ kids should go home now.
P7 = You have fully explored the range of traditional cuss words. (Refer to George Carlin’s The 7 Things you can’t say on TV) This is not an exercise in creativity; these are the go-to’s – the ones everyone knows. Your own kids definitely shouldn’t be around. It’s OK for the wife to hear these as she’s likely heard them all before – but she does wonder aloud why you tell people you enjoy working on cars as a hobby. “F*@k, what the he!!? Why won’t this piece-of-sh!t come off?” You are likely blaming a lot of other people for your unfortunate predicament: the previous owner, the last service tech, the design engineer, the assembly line worker, the f*@king idiot at the service counter that sold you the wrong part……You get the idea.
P8 = You are taking the lord’s name in vain. You feel bad about it – but it just keeps happening.
P9 = This is truck-stop material. No-one else should be around. Hopefully your insulated garage door is closed and your neighbors aren’t home. You can’t think or utter a 5 word sentence without using at least 3 or 4 curse words. Primary and secondary sexual characteristics and prostitution are often used as colorful adjectives and adverbs (I’m getting out of my area of expertise here – I was never a great English student). You’ll find yourself addressing parts directly as if they can hear you: C%@k-sucking, mother f*@king, a$$hole retainer clip!...Why won’t you f*@king come off, you f*@king whore-a$$ bitch?!” It’s best to turn the volume way up on that old stereo you saved from college and put in your garage – this is what it was made for.
P10= This is some serious sh!t. Everything you said earlier seems almost laughably juvenile. Truckers are offended. You start to really empathize with those who have used the “temporary insanity” plea for some heinous act of violence and start making plans for your own introduction of reasonable doubt for when it’s your day in court. You wish there were more offensive things you could say. There aren’t. So you start making stuff up. Your nonsensical venomous verbal tirades have sent your wife and kids to her mom’s house for the weekend. Now you are speaking in tongues - you’ve lost it. The best thing to do is to put that hammer and 50” breaker-bar (and extension) down and just walk away. Tomorrow is another day.
I'll include this rating on my future projects so you know how it really went!
