Let's get back to tech and leave personal jabs at home.
Sorry Trunk, you're right.
Back to Tech. Here's another idea....
You could get a drain pan from Walmart. I use one like this
http://www.amazon.com/Blitz-11838-Oil-Drain-Pan/dp/B000AMGYNA?tag=ihco-20 It's like $6 at Walmart
Crawl under your truck, there will be two 12mm bolts to remove the oil filter cover, take those off and remove the cover.
Place the drain pan below the oil filter. You can probably reach up and unscrew the filter by hand and let the oil drain into the drain pan. You may need a filter wrench. Walmart will have them for less than $10. They look like this
http://www.amazon.com/Lisle-53500-Satndard-Swivel-Filter/dp/B0002SR4AO/?tag=ihco-20
Dip your finger in the oil and rub it around on the gasket on top of the oil filter. (There will be some oil sitting in the top grooves of the filter anyway) Hand tighten the filter back on. Replace the oil filter cover and tighten the two 12mm bolts. No need to worry about ft lbs of torque, just make them snug.
All Walmarts in NJ accept used oil for recycling. There will be a cage near the service area. You tell them you have used oil, they open the gate, you pour the oil in the big container. No charge, ever. Since it's Jersey they may even pour the oil in the big container for you. This whole process should take you less than 30-40 mins tops.
When you return from your trip, you'll be able to change your oil from now on. It will save you the $$ at American Tire tomorrow, the hour drive next time, the cost at the dealer and the best part is you'll start to get to know your truck a little better. You may actually start to enjoy working on your rig.
Hope this helps.