I thought you guys might enjoy this rant I wrote a few weeks back:
God Bless Toyota
by Ross Lake
God Bless Toyota, but God Damn them for what is about to happen. Right now I feel like I am driving in a car, and I am the only one that can see the massive pileup ahead that is going to occur. There is nothing I can do to prevent the accident, but that doesn’t stop me from dreading it. It is going to be ugly, and everyone of us is going to either be involved, or is going to be one of the rubbernecking drivers who inexorably slows down to watch the carnage as they slowly creep by.
So what the hell am I rambling on about this time, you are probably wondering. Good question. I am talking about the imminent release of the new darling of Toyota design and marketing, the FJ Cruiser. Everyone has to have seen the pictures by now. It is the butt ugly RAV-4 sized abortion of a “cute-ute” with a few design cues from an FJ40 Land Cruiser. It might possibly be the most grotesque thing to be penned to paper, yet the marketing geniuses at Toyota see $$ signs every step of the way from production to delivery at the dealer. And they would be stupid not to. With the Land Cruiser name, they have 50 years of history to base their ads and marketing concepts from. The average Joe is going to lap the Cruiser story up like it’s mom’s best apple pie. And I am going to hate him for it.
The thing that bugs me the most is that Toyota is perfectly capable of redoing the FJ40 if they wanted to. They already did it. It was called the PX-10, and it was a limited run of HZJ73s that came out in the mid 1990’s that sported retro looks. Any of you that have made the trip out to Los Angeles recently would have most likely seen one parked in Chatsworth, in Marv Spector’s Land Cruiser Museum.
Now be for you go off, I realize that the FJ Cruiser is not meant to be the FJ40 reincarnate. It is what it is. A cheaply made box that Toyota can sell to Dads of teenage girls and Soccer Moms, whilst whoreing 50 years of Land Cruiser history to sell said cheaply made box. Ain’t the future looking bright?
I can already see the Sunday afternoon next Fall. You, Joe Cruiserhead have just finished installing an SM420 and 3 speed transfer case into your burgeoning rock crawler. You take it out for a spin, to check that everything is kosher in your new mis-mosh mix of Toyota and Chevrolet clutch parts. And up next to you pulls an FJ Cruiser full of four giggling 16 year olds talking about how cute your FJ Cruiser is, and why did you switch to those funny white wheels. I can’t freaking wait!
So maybe I am a grouch who doesn’t like change. But it is slowly creeping in every second. Do you think that it is random chance that a Land Cruiser was chosen for MTV’s “Pimp your Ride”? I might need a tinfoil hat, but I think it is a little too convenient. I think it was a great piece of marketing on Toyota’s behest. BTW, the cruiser in question looked better before it was “pimped” in my opinion.
What about the Land Cruiser that made it into an episode of “Monster House” on the Discovery Channel? Was that coincidence too? Call in the black helicopters, but I again think that there is marketing involved. Every time between now and the debut of the FJ Cruiser that you see a Cruiser in print or on TV, I think that Toyota will have played a role somehow. It is their best interests to reintroduce the Land Cruiser to the mainstream market, and to foster the image of it’s toughness and heritage. And all for the grand plan to sell lots of ugly little boxes.
God damn you Toyota for ruining yet again that which was once a grand thing.