Hey, Happy B-Day Nick! Sorry I wasn't able to help you get this electrical problem licked before your birthday so you could go fishing with it, but I'll be sure to post up any further insights/suggestions.
Just a quick observation/suggestion here, going back to the result you got in post #150 when you had the DIMM installed in-line between the neg battery cable and post and set to measure 10A range...when you removed the whole Rear Cargo Light switch assembly and the Current reading on the DIMM dropped from 0.85 A to 0.1 A (see attached picture below).
I'm wondering if the Door Switch (not the Rear Cargo Light switch where the bulb is) is not OPENING all the way when you close the rear hatch.
The way all 5 of these Door Switches work, is if the Rear Cargo Light switch (or Dome Light switch) is set to 'Door', then there is a path for current to flow through the Rear Cargo Light switch (or Dome Light switch)...but the bulb will only illuminate when the path to ground is complete ALSO at the Door Switch.
The Door Switch is OPEN (no path to ground) when the door is closed.
The Door Switch id CLOSED (path to ground) when the door is open.
So, what if the Rear Cargo Light switch was set to 'Door' AND the Door Switch is not OPENING all the way when you shut the door, then some current might be leaking through the Door Switch to ground...it is not enough current to illuminate the light bulb, but enough to be malicious.
What you might try, is cleaning the contacts on that rear hatch Door Switch (and even the other 4 Door Switches), resintalling everything and rerun the test you did in post #150 (but with all the fuses in and the Rear Cargo Light switch and bulb in) and see if the drain goes away when the Rear Cargo Light switch is set to 'Door' and the rear hatch is closed. (EDIT: ALL the doors need to be closed and the Interior Light switches in either OFF or DOOR position when you are doing the parasitic draw test at the neg side of the battery...so that you aren't measuring current flowing through a lit light bulb)
Here is a link that does a good job explaining how to clean that rear hatch Door Switch:
https://forum.ih8mud.com/threads/how-to-tailgate-light-switch-restore.679368/#post-8218205