Monday Chuckle

[nuclearlemon]

Alaskan Job vacancy . . .
Position: Surveyor
Salary: $200 per hour (tax-free)
Qualifications: Must be fast on your feet!

 

[nuclearlemon]

Butch has been busy...he posted pics, but they were actually from a catalog...here's the actual pics, complete with his/hers toilets with privacy walls and a light in the shower

 

[nuclearlemon]

after the bathroom was done, he did some work in the kitchen before picking up an order of tires for the shop

 

[nuclearlemon]

Then he helped kowboy move a new pet and some parts...all this work has pretty much put the old fart in a wheelchair.

 

[KOWBOY]

Nicely done ...

 

[nuclearlemon]

why thank you sir....i can sometimes tell a good story before this v happens

 

[KOWBOY]

A guy is walkin' down the street and sees Lil' Johnny smokin' a cigarette. He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke."

Lil' Johnny looks up but doesn't say anything.

The man asks, "Son, how old are you?"

Lil' Johnny says, "Seven."

Stunned, the man says, "Seven!? When did you start smokin'?"

Lil' Johnny replies, "Right after the first time I had sex."

"Right after the first time you had sex!?", the man exclaims, "When was that?"

Lil' Johnny ponders, "Gotta say say I honestly don't remember ... I was drunk."

 

[KOWBOY]

Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.
Her mother reassured her; 'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'
So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'
'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'
'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'
So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.'

 

[KOWBOY]

6 Indisputable Truths Of Life

1. NO matter how hard you try, you cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time.




































































2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.
3. And discover #1 is a lie.
4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.
6. There is still a stupid smile on your face

 

[nuclearlemon]

poor butch can't get a spare moment. seems deb has him doing more home improvements. his old reinforcement for the bookshelf wasn't what deb wanted, so he made a new one, then got the chandelier hung

 

[nuclearlemon]

needed to get a new high performance exhaust on the car, but didn't have the right parts, so a parts run was in line. unfortunately, the door handle broke as he was getting in...a quick fix later and the door worked, so he cranked up the stereo, plotted a map on the navigation system and was off to the store

 

[nuclearlemon]

on the way home, it started raining. he had great wipers, but with the window open, he managed to get a bit wet and chilled, so when he got home, he whipped up a pot of hot coffee, then got cracking on that new exhaust.

 

[nuclearlemon]

even had time to build a new bike ramp and get that pesky electrical outlet fixed before breaking out the telephoto lens and doing some birdwatching

 

[nuclearlemon]

while i'm pickin' on butch (thanks for dealin' with it )

 

[Texican]

Ige I been married for 37 years, I can get this kind of abuse without having to open a browser......

 

[Texican]

How do Aggies practice safe sex?

























They get rid of all the animals that kick.

 

[jebber]

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F

 

[66fj40x2]

Only in America...... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America..... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America..... do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America...... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America.......... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

This has to be the craziest....
Only in America....... do they have drive-up ATM machines at the bank with Braille lettering.


EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes and fire ants?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

 

[Green Lantern]

I avoid the Dodge, Ford, Chevy BS, but this appeared on another forum.
Enjoy!

 

[KOWBOY]

Not quite sure what to make of this here fella.