I'm back in town, the parts are in, it's gonna snow on Friday, and I'm springing into action.
Today I removed the drive belts, crank pulley, idler pulley, and cleaned a ton of gunk down to beautiful raw metal, then *barely* managed to remove only TWO of the oil pump cover bolts, even after PB blasting, heating with a torch, and solidly tapping the phillips bit in with a hammer (purty solidly, since the rad is out). That damn little gasket was just beyond my reach
Three more bolts are just about to strip and are not coming out without drilling, or... I need to get someone to come to my house with a welder to tack some phillips head on like in
scrowley's thread.
My friend knows a guy who should be able to do it if he's free and I'm insanely lucky. I've never drilled out a bolt and I think this would be a risky spot to try to learn on, so I'm counting on the welding.
Since I couldn't progress with the oil pump cover anymore today, I replaced the thermostat real quick and went to vote

The thermostat has definitely been replaced relatively recently, but at least now I know what's in there.
By the way, bumping the starter is a great way to loosen the crank pulley bolt. I used a 1/2'' dr x 18'' breaker bar and a 30mm axle socket that I rented from Autozone. I read lots of people say that they had broken 1/2'' drive breaker bars trying this, but it worked fine for me. The axle socket is very very meaty and a tight fit for the bar. I secured the bar to the frame with tight climbing webbing and felt very safe. Remember to disconnect the wire that powers your distributor so that your engine does not start when you bump it.
If I can't get my oil pump cover bolts welded tomorrow, I'm going to tackle the PHH workaround. I crawled inside the DS wheel well today and suddenly understood the ...peskiness. I should take care of the crank seal tomorrow too, but it looks like it's going to be tough unless I can get my steering dampener off... gotta do some research in the morning on that one. I figure it's simple, but I just discovered that taking off the nuts and tapping the bolts with a hammer is not enough....
There are only a few things that really MUST be done by Friday to beat the snow and get driveable, but I have very little mechanical experience and every single thing is a learning process. It also doesn't help that my tool set is "young" and growing piece by piece for every job I tackle, one fifteen minute bike to Autozone at a time. So I'm intimidated, to say the least. It'll be a quadruple espresso morning.