@stevezero Keep in mind that many people, so I'm told, have a larger gun for home and a smaller gun for carry. Often these are 2 variants of the same, or similar, gun. You're not worried about size or weight (both are beneficial) at your bedside and a laser or light won't be a detriment. The occasional-user will benefit from a carry gun as similar to the bedside gun as possible. Grip, trigger, operation, etc will all be the same between the two, so practice and muscle memory are consolidated. Plus I've just enabled you to buy more stuff.
Don't rule out a revolver, especially if you don't want a light/laser and don't want to spend as much time and money at the range on practice and finding the best ammo (meaning it feeds 100% of the time after 10+ magazines worth, through each magazine). Biggest benefit to a revolver is that you can just pull the trigger again to advance a new round (in the event of a misfire). You'd likely have to Tap Rack Bang a pistol. Look it up. You also can't forget to rack the slide or take off the safety on a revolver.
For pistols and revolvers (there is a difference between the two), modern ammunition has made huge advances in the last 3-4 years. This is not only why the .380ACP is suddenly a serious defensive caliber, it's also why the 9mm has pretty much eaten away at .40S&W sales. The proof is in the terminal results, not the recoil. Bigger/heavier/longer barreled gun is still the way to go, but some of that is dependent on your physical limitations and desire to train.
Really think about your need and desire to carry. Best thing you can do is to buy a house gun first. Train with that. Then take what you've learned and apply it to a smaller carry gun. The larger gun is still there as a house gun if you're happy with it. Starting with a smaller handgun will only teach you that you made a bad choice on the compromise your first time. You don't want to think about a compromise at 4am when you wake from a deep slumber in pitch black to the sound of glass breaking. Also consider that effectively "carrying" in a car means either a shoulder holster or somewhere off your body.