I can't stop laughing.
Ok, ok. As for replacing the bumpers, X2 on finding some that have been taken off to upgrade. The kicker is going to be figuring out whether the stock mounting horns have been removed from your frame. If so, finding those could be a bit trickier as they're more like to have been tossed in the garbage.
I have a rear bumper sitting in my back yard, it's straight but has some scars from grinding the mounting bolts off- but I live in Denver! And case in point, I threw the mounting horns in the garbage.
Keep an eye on craigslist, talk to the guys at IPOR, maybe Jim from Solid Rock Offroad (he does awesome custom bumpers), and politely stalk users who are building/buying upgrade bumpers as most of those require removal of the mounting horns. I'll bet most would let you take that OEM gear off their hands for pretty cheap.
Finally, if you really want to make them dogs happy put some Aussie cargo windows in the back- although, I know- it's not a good idea to let your dogs hang their heads out the window.
Keep them, put railway couplers in the receivers and a Nathan P5 air horn on the roof. 
Well, I just dropped my truck off at Iron Pig, and no, they're not replacing the bumpers (yet!). Talked with Lance and Cam (nice guys!) about a tune-up and some other odds and ends.
