Good tidings to those who wait…
I filled my crew sized cup this morning with a double portion of dark roast, hit the speed dial to
@Jdc1 (rubbercitylandcruisers) to discuss any last minute changes before pickup tomorrow. During the course of the conversation, my final decision on paint became a hot topic. As we debated back and forth between Olive Brown and Olive Green I noticed the Mrs (The Dark One) slowly lower her copy of Needless Markup.…
Normally anything remotely related to the Mule would bring an instant scowl and activate her trigger finger. The dead calm silence and deliberate stare raised the hackles on my neck and I shivered. Turning to avoid her gaze I continued the conversation and cautiously watched her from my periphery.
Hanging up the phone her unblinking eyes followed me as I slunk past and made my way to the coffee pot. I failed to notice her stalking me until she was within striking distance. Sensing her presence, I instinctivly whirled in mid pour, stifled a nervous laugh and assumed the startled baboon defensive position. Realizing I was outflanked, I backed slowly into the corner and avoided direct eye contact. Making a mental note that her Benelli was tucked under the bed and the path to the exit was free and clear of obstructions, I smiled the smile of the forsaken and pushed the coffee cup to my lips.
”Show me”, she said locking her gaze with mine. My mind raced as I tried to fathom which of my nefarious plots or schemes she had uncovered. ”Ah, ah show you what Pumpkin“ I replied wondering if she‘d found a copy of the credit card bill and was testing the waters to see if I would fess up to a pair of Orvis waders.…” Now listen Princess, I needed those new waders and”…
“Waders? What? No Jethro, show me the colors you were talking about”…Sensing a trap I edged a little closer to the door. “What colors would that be Pummy? I’m not sure what you mean by colors?”
“Don’t Bull $hit me Bo Dean,I heard every word you said. I want to see the colors you’re painting that old Jeep”.
“Land Cruiser Pumkin, it’s a Land Cruiser”, I mumbled in hushed tones.
”What ever, you say Philistine. Call It what you want, I mean who puts diamond plate on a Jeep for God’s sake? She hissed in disdain. “It’s a Land Cruiser“ I manage clutching a roll of paper towels for comfort.
“Feeling somewhat emboldened by her lack of ferocity, I launched into a prepared narrative usually saved for the denizens of MUD. “Easy now Pumpkin, diamond plate is making a comeback in the restoration world, it’s all the rage on MUD. The mule was years ahead of it’s time. Before you know it, I’ll be getting cards and letters from the MUD forum congratulating me on my application techniques. I bet I could start a school and teach others” I say as the first beads of forlorn desperation pop out on my forehead.
Enzo, Duntov, Shelby had their detractors but, you would think after all this time she would recognize my skill and artistic vision. I bet they get Daniel Craig to play me in the movie version of “The face lift”.
Some folks have no taste.
Despite my staunch defense of smartly applied diamond plating, my argument was met with an uncompromising reptilian glare.
I reasoned defending my diamond plate artistry to the uninitiated was futile and could only lead to my unnecessary maiming. I simply accepted her unfortunate lack of all things metallurgical and meekly replied, “Well Peaches, I am debating between Olive Brown and Olive green” I said flipping open the IPad to my saved pictures. Thumbing down through the “Fj 40” file, I passed through 8 yrs of saved searches, pics and bookmarked ideas.
“Whoa stop right there, what’s that color there? The one next to rusty one”, she asked, inching closer to the screen. Knowing she would never understand the beauty and grandeur of a semi rusted relic or the appeal of 50yr old sun baked paint, I opted for the truth Instead.
”Well that’s Buffalo Brown, I’m not sure what year that’s from but it…..” before I could impress her with my in depth knowledge of Toyota paint chips she turned on her heel and headed out of the room. Thinking she had spotted some long forgotten domestic misdemeanor, that could be used against me in a marital court, I snapped up the IPad and made for the back porch and relative safety of the wood line.
“Hold it right there old man” reverberated through the kitchen. Realizing running would only void any hope I had of breakfast, I stopped. Betrayed by my stomach once again.
Putting on my best “Honey what ever it is, it was an accident face”, I shuffled toward the garage.
She was standing on the stoop looking out over some of the remaining boxes I had promised to move by the end of last week. ”Now sugar plum, I’m really sorry about those boxes you see I just got tied up and…..”
”You see that, right there on the floor? She asked, cutting off my attempt at deflecting. “That color….That brown color on the floor. There’s little brown flecks in the floor that will match the new brown paint on our Land Cruiser”.
“Our what? I mumbled checking my ears for obstructions.
“Our Land Cruiser silly, that brown paint. It matches my eyes, and you matched the floor In my garage. That was soooo sweet of you“, she said turning and walking back into the kitchen.
“Ahhh, yeah honey, yes, yes it matches your eyes perfectly. I knew you’d like that. I was going to surprise you. Please don’t make a fuss, you know how humble I am. I’m going to add fuel injection just for you. You know how much you like throttle response. Yes ma’am nothing but the best for “our Land Cruiser”….
“ What do you think about an H55? Hey we’ll need a power steering upgrade too. AC!! Hey pumpkin you’ll
need AC It’s good for your complexion I hear. Leather seats? You want leather seats? Heated? What ever you say. You ever drive a turbo Pummy? 6bt upgrade? Well let’s not spoil the Mule just yet. Yes, I’m thinking Lockers, you’ll want front and rear lockers for the beauty salon parking lot, they’re awesome on pavement”.
Say honey bun, what’s for breakfast”?
Carpe Diem.
The triumphal return begins…I should have a parade.
photo pirated from Fjco..