emissions hell

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nuclearlemon

nuclearlemon

not an addict
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10 Year 15 Year 20 Year
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Jan 30, 2003
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640
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windy wyoming
yesterday, i put the smallest jets in and twisted the dizzy a bit, but failed due to high hcs. at 2500 it was fine (763), but at idle it was about 1600. so when i got home, i turned the screws in all the way, cranked the idle screw, wire brushed the plugs, rechecked gap, cleaned the air cleaner, and sprayed out the pcv valve.

this morning, i turned the carb down even more...to the point that it couldn't break 50mph on the highway and the last time i saw a cloud that white out of a tailpipe was when i blew the headgasket (either time) on the nuclearlemon. i topped it off with three bottles of gas line antifreeze and proceeded to envirohell. get there, pop the hood for the trained monkeys and go into the waiting room. not trusting the idiots, i stay close to the door so i can see. i look down at me phone and hear that distinct sound of a falling 55 hood and look up just in time to see the monkey trying to slam my hood from as far as he can lift it a second time!!!:eek:

i run out there to stop him, but the damage is done. the hood won't latch. i tell him don't touch it anymore, i'll deal with it when they're done. while still waiting, another monkey comes over and spends about 10 minutes trying gently to get it to close. they pull it up to test it, monkey number three comes over and precedes to crank the starter while it's running. then, with it chocked, puts it in gear :eek:

monkey number four comes over, talks to her for a few minutes, hooks something up under the hood and proceeds to test the rig. when it's done, monkey number three tries to unchock it and can't since she wedged the chock when she tried to drive over it. monkey number four comes back, kicks the chock numerous times until it comes free, hops in to drive it out, with whatever is hooked up under my hood still attached:mad:

only positive thing is my hcs dropped to 369 @2500 and 163@idle, so i passed, but they bent the latch plate and tweaked the hood:mad::mad:

spent another 1/2 hour filling out claim forms and waiting for the office flunkies to find batteries for the camera so they could get pictures :mad:

spent two hours trying to bend my hood back to a semblence of normal and tearing apart the front end so i could bend the latch plate back up (they bent it enough that it tore at the front lip where it bends down:mad:).

ih8emissions and even worse, ih8emissionsmonkeys!
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well, kowboy was first. he told me on the phone about two hours ago that i needed to move to elwood...they don't have emissions either.

i think the best idea would be to use up the 2000 rounds that i have for my .38 and my 9mm before they go stale. i'll start at the all the envirohell locations and move on to any senator that disagrees to the talks to eliminate emissions. :rolleyes:

seriously though....i really would love to take a 10lb sledge on a 4" handle to the side of monkey number one's head.

moving is out of the question since, a) i can't afford to move. b) i will get seriously dinged if i pay off my second early. c)it would be hard to find a job that pays as crappy as my current job and d) i got a lot of crap to move, including three dead vehicles.

although, if i sold all of my cruisers and had to deal with daily driving the f'n ford, it would be soooooo easily mentally to go on a good shooting rampage :hillbilly:
 
nuclearlemon said:
well, kowboy was first. he told me on the phone about two hours ago that i needed to move to elwood...they don't have emissions either.

i think the best idea would be to use up the 2000 rounds that i have for my .38 and my 9mm before they go stale. i'll start at the all the envirohell locations and move on to any senator that disagrees to the talks to eliminate emissions. :rolleyes:

seriously though....i really would love to take a 10lb sledge on a 4" handle to the side of monkey number one's head.

moving is out of the question since, a) i can't afford to move. b) i will get seriously dinged if i pay off my second early. c)it would be hard to find a job that pays as crappy as my current job and d) i got a lot of crap to move, including three dead vehicles.

although, if i sold all of my cruisers and had to deal with daily driving the f'n ford, it would be soooooo easily mentally to go on a good shooting rampage :hillbilly:
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Easy, turbo! :D

I feel ya. You know, as long as you don't move to P-land, Oregon doesnt have emissions...find a yob and us piggie owners would prolly lend a hand to transplant you out of emissions hell.

Dats just how we roll, yo!
 
oil was changed a couple of weeks ago.

i've considered moving...don't know that i like denver anymore now that all the californians and texans are moving here. :D
 
I hear you on emissions. I've had diesels for most of the time I've had to deal with emissions and they pass easily. Gassers are another story. Put a diesel in that piggy before too many more Kalifornians move to Colorado and you start seeing signs that say "Diesel engines are known to the state of Colorado to cause cancer and any other illness or malady we don't have an excuse for!" :)
 
Haha, try Michigan! As long as you have a winter vehicle to sacrifice to the rust gods, you're in good shape. No Kalifornians or emissions to deal with, plus we have one hell of a west coast beach!

Brian
 
the saga continues.

saturday after pulling my hood, trying to twist it back into shape, and bending the latch back somewhat to where it needed to be, i took off and went to see friends...i couldn't deal with wrenching...too pissed.

went to leave treeroots house sat evening and go to flick on headlights...no headlights or left marker light. dicked around and lights eventually came on. still no marker light. figured the filament was busted.

tonight, change bulb...still no marker light. go to meeting. go to dinner. as i'm pulling out of parking lot, headlights flash. they flashed two more times before i got to my town, then went out completely for a good quarter mile before popping back on again.

this rig rides like a freakin buckboard and i've never had a single problem with the marker lights or headlights before. it's only since the monkeys slammed my hood that now i'm having issues. :mad::mad:
 
nuclearlemon said:
the saga continues.

saturday after pulling my hood, trying to twist it back into shape, and bending the latch back somewhat to where it needed to be, i took off and went to see friends...i couldn't deal with wrenching...too pissed.

went to leave treeroots house sat evening and go to flick on headlights...no headlights or left marker light. dicked around and lights eventually came on. still no marker light. figured the filament was busted.

tonight, change bulb...still no marker light. go to meeting. go to dinner. as i'm pulling out of parking lot, headlights flash. they flashed two more times before i got to my town, then went out completely for a good quarter mile before popping back on again.

this rig rides like a freakin buckboard and i've never had a single problem with the marker lights or headlights before. it's only since the monkeys slammed my hood that now i'm having issues. :mad::mad:
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You think they might have shaken something loose? Any way to find out if the circuit is now grounding out somewhere? So are you gonna get compensation for what those guys did? How does that all work? Oh BTW you can move to Hawaii. No emissions and it's impossible to get lost. :D
 
nuclearlemon said:
this rig rides like a freakin buckboard and i've never had a single problem with the marker lights or headlights before. it's only since the monkeys slammed my hood that now i'm having issues. :mad::mad:
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I'm not trying to stick up for the idiots at emissions testing stations (most of them have an IQ less than the rat in your basement, and they are about as careful with your stuff too!!), but unless they drove the hood clear through the engine compartment I can't see how the headlights are related.

I'm having issues with one of my signal lights due to corrosion in the light socket. Check and see if that might be part of the problem.
 
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Run a temp ground wire from the batter to the ground on each lamp. I'm betting you will find the problem. I have fixed this when it's a bond betweeen sheetmetal pieces by using a stainless steal sheetmetal screw and tying the two pieces together.
 
fixing it's not the issue. i will fix it easy enough. the fact that they did this and it's at a very inconvenient time...i work from dark until dark and i've got to work a show this weekend for the state 4wd assoc, so i won't be able to touch it until next weekend. i have to drive with questionable lights until then. why? because they are a bunch of f'n morons. and the state has funded them, so all the little shops that i could've taken it to have been driven out of the business.

when i went to get plates, i had a nice chat with the dmv lady, who also filed a claim against them when they let the fan swing back into her grill. found out that same day that a friend had a claim against them years ago when they failed to latch his hood and it came up. one guy that i worked with had a claim against them when they drove into a curb.

i don't know the force they used when they slammed that hood, but i was in a little room standing right next to the machines which are loud and i could hear it plain as day. the 55 rides horrible and i never shook loose any connections or grounds.
 
:mad:the saga continues.

rose from aircare colorado called the other day to inform me that they are denying the claim because the latch plate showed wear where the safety latch goes in (square hole). the safety latch was never an issue. i informed her that it was the main latch that wasn't working after their idiots slammed the hood.

she then said i must've had problems closing the hood before because the techs noticed the day before that the hood was "misaligned". i said i've never had problems...and i haven't. i also said they never popped the hood (they didn't. they put the obd reader on the dash to register rpms.) she asked me if i was sure they didn't pop the hood when i wasn't looking. i pointed out that i don't trust her monkeys and i didn't stop looking. hell, they have video...look at the video of friday you ignorant b*&&^!

i then asked her about cranking the vehicle with the engine, trying to drive over the wheel chock and driving out while the obd reader was still under the hood, to which she replied she didn't know about that. IT"S IN MY REPORT!

so, apparently the management at aircare is just as incompetant as the idiots that run the test. i've sent the pictures onto the gary holbrook at the state of colorado along with a full explanation of my conversation with this ignorant ho and a copy of my original report.

i'm also forwarding everythign to channel 9 news. and when i take my 80 in, i plan on taking fully detailed pics of the entire vehicle while it's "staging" for it's test (being sure to show their crappy building) and i will videotape the entire test. :mad::mad::mad:
 
PabloCruise said:
Unbelievable...
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Unfortunately no, it's not unbelievable. Those of us who've had to go through smog checks can all tell similar stories though I must say that Ige's is worse than most.
 
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