An apology

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61twpw

61twpw

Joined
Aug 16, 2016
Threads
53
Messages
1,075
Location
Fulton, Missouri
I want to take this opportunity to apologize to the forum. My posts have sometimes been inappropriate or snide. Eighteen months ago my life changed forever with my wife’s stroke. She survived the cardio vascular insult to her body, but not necessarily her mind. A once vibrant and energetic soul became dependent on me for everything. Imagine having a toddler or pre schooler as an adult. Functioning, but limited in daily abilities.
Our retirement was to be an older couple enjoying the final years. Still is , but with exceptions. My desires to be a pseudo gear head and create in the garage came to an abrupt halt.
This forum allowed me an escape from the reality that was mine. I enjoyed watching everyone’s build threads and dreamed of completing at least one of mine. Reality has set in. I am not quite ready to bail and sell all of the parts I’ve been hoarding, but getting close. I’ve been sending parts to folks for shipping costs only.
Eighteen months of 24/7 caregiving without a day off is taking a toll. My orthopedic surgeon friend told me this lifestyle was unsustainable, I’m beginning to agree.
I’m going to go dark for awhile, but I just wanted to thank all the great folks on here for the support and vast knowledge base. Best forum I’ve ever been on.
 
Don’t go dark Bill, just do what you can when you can and keep us posted - pretty much like you’ve been doing. I am interested in your progress. Even if you’re not able to touch one bolt for months, still interested in what you’re thinking about doing. Chime in just to give me a hard time if nothing else!
 
You need help. You cannot do this by yourself, and should not expect to do so. There are services that can allow you to escape for a little while. You need to be able to escape and that is okay. Do some digging and see what’s out there. There are good services who will help. You need to look at this long term and get a strategy.
I know from experience.

Sorry you both have had this happen. It is so hard. My thoughts are with you both.
 
Xtiaan2000 is right, if at all possible get a person to come in once a week in order for you to relax, shop, work on the wagon, anything to take your mind off the reality for a while. A friend of mine developed a staff infection on his spine and now he's quadriplegic going on three years, his wife has to do everything for him or he dies. She tried for the longest time to do it herself and lost a ton of weight and her health went down as well. My friend (Gerald..aka.. Stoney) kept telling her to put him in a home, so she could get back to living. She finally agreed to a care giver coming in one day a week and they both have improved in health and spirit. She looks forward to shopping or hanging with the girls and he likes to have someone there who doesn't hover over him so much, a win for both of them.

The only thing the guys on MUD can offer you is a place to hang out with us and take your mind to differ place for a few minutes, besides it's fun poking fun at each other. You know I'm right down the road and don't mind coming up and working on the wagon with you when you want to.

Hang in there brother and prayers are going out for your wife.
 
Hey man, I don't think you need to apologize, you are dealing with a tough situation.

I don't know about you, but my woman is better than I deserve, so I would be pretty messed up if her health suddenly diminished. The "to have and hold" part is pretty fun, but the "in sickness and in health" is where it starts to get real.

I admire your dedication to your woman, but IMHO, every guy needs some time to just be a guy. I love spending time with my woman, and hearing about her plans to add trees and flowers (sound familiar Ron?), but I love swimming w/ my bros, grabbing lunch with my guy co-workers, and hanging with you guys and telling bad jokes.

My siblings and I are trying to get some help for my Mom, who is in declining health. My sister closest to her can't work, raise her daughter and take care Mom all at once. I do hope you can get some relief just so you can get some therapy time in on the Pig! It will do you good, and then you will be better able to take care of your woman.

We are pulling for you Bill!
 
Not much I can say that hadn't been said already, but you have a group of people here that will support you in anyway they can. Even if just some stoopid werds on a forum to get you through the day.

Dont sweat the little stuff. Everybody has a reserve of a few moments a day to be an a******. I know I have used a lot more of those moments than I have accrued. I am trying to play catch up now. Hopefully you can find a balance with the fun and haftas. Just remember to take care of yourself too.
 
No need to apologize to the group.

Life is defined by how one deals with adversity, but that doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help. Take some time for self care. Without self care, you can’t care for others for the long haul.

Find some help to give you some time off. Pop in here and let us know how you’re doing.

We will miss having your regular presence, but we all understand priority of loved ones and self over other lessor things.
 
Got a friends parents going through a similar situation now. The wife is bedridden and unable to do anything for herself. The Dad has taken the burden on himself and it is literally killing him. The kids are helping but they cannot do it all! Get some help! Everyone will be better off for it. Don't isolate yourself. The human brain atrophies in isolation. Nobody wants to see you go even for a bit. Hang in there and let this forum do what it does best....help.
 
My prayers are with you, not sure how I would handle this, I would encourage you to seek help, not just for your partner, but you also. I'm sure your brothers in swine would be there, to help you wrench, go for a pig ride, or just sit and hear your story. those of us on the outside feel so unable to shore you up. But you are part of a big community, let them carry a bit of your stuff. blessings
 
Thank you all for the encouraging words and support. This is an incredible
community to be part of. The energy created by your comments seems to have changed my reality. Today my wife commented “ it’s been awhile since you’ve been in the shop . I want to finish the book I’m reading. Why don’t you go out there and have some garage time?”
I obliged and cleared the cobwebs off of the area. Turned on Pandora and changed from Fleetwood Mac to the Dead. First song up was my old theme song from almost 30 years ago, “Touch of Grey”. Followed by Ripple and Sugar Magnolia. I was dancing around drilling out rivets and wire wheeling parts. Three hours later, I was tired, but a good tired.
My wife has somehow turned a corner in this scenario . Suddenly taking an interest in the “ here and now” and not so much in the past. A welcome change to be sure, but not “ normal” yet. A hard summer for us hearing 4 out of 4 doctors tell us, “ This May be be as good as it gets”. Can only think of Willie Nelson’s song “ There’s more old drunks than there are old doctors”, and realize the rest is up to us.
Hearing the Dead today reminded me of those times when things were way worse than now, yet I still got through them. Some were way longer than this present bump in the road.
As far as help wrenching, I’m really happy with creating my own Pig. No offense, but I do have a plan. If I get stuck and need help, I know where to ask.
 
Last edited:
61twpw said:
Thank you all for the encouraging words and support. This is an incredible
community to be part of. The energy created by your comments seems to have changed my reality. Today my wife commented “ it’s been awhile since you’ve been in the shop . I want to finish the book I’m reading. Why don’t you go out there and have some garage time?”
I obliged and cleared the cobwebs off of the area. Turned on Pandora and changed from Fleetwood Mac to the Dead. First song up was my old theme song from almost 30 years ago, “Touch of Grey”. Followed by Ripple and Sugar Magnolia. I was dancing around drilling out rivets and wire wheeling parts. Three hours later, I was tired, but a good tired.
My wife has somehow turned a corner in this scenario . Suddenly taking an interest in the “ here and now” and not so much in the past. A welcome change to be sure, but not “ normal” yet. A hard summer for us hearing 4 out of 4 doctors tell us, “ This May be be as good as it gets”. Can only think of Willie Nelson’s song “ There’s more old drunks than there are old doctors”, and realize the rest is up to us.
Hearing the Dead today reminded me of those times when things were way worse than now, yet I still got through them. Some were way longer than this present bump in the road.
As far as help wrenching, I’m really happy with creating my own Pig. No offense, but I do have a plan. If I get stuck and need help, I know where to ask.
Click to expand...

I love it!

It is amazing how cranking up some tunes and some time in the garage can be so therapeutic! Glad you have music in addition to your woman and your Pig! If you have a dog you are all set. When I go cruising around with my GSD in my Pig I have to wonder if life can get any better???

And so cool that your perspective shifted to remembering when times were worse than they are now!

If you need anymore stoopid werds - we'll be here!
 
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