What is "the list"? Waiting list?
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so what is every one's favorite home defense loads in 9mm?

The one that hits where I aim...
In all seriousness...you can spend many hours/days/weeks reading through all the literature of penetration/expansion and the "deadliness" of any given load/bullet/feet per second combination.
Good points by everyone. For my personal use, we load all of our defense guns with Hornady Critical defense. I am a huge fan of Hornady ammo and cannot say enough good things about them based on my experience with them. My one piece of advice would be this. Some people spend more coin on the defense load, load up their guns and let them sit. Whatever you decide to use make sure you shoot it as well. I am fine with practicing with the target ammo to save some money, but it's critical to shoot what you plan on defending yourself with. I know it sounds simple but overlooked a lot. Hornady CD (40 S&W) runs about $20-25 for 25 rnds where most basic loads are under $20 per 50. I know I hate shooting ammo that costs twice as much but the piece of mind is worth it IMO.
so what is every one's favorite home defense loads in 9mm?
well we finally got to spend some time at the range today and decided on the Gen 4 Glock 19. The guns that were in consideration were the Glock 19, Glock 17, Springfield XD, Smith and Wesson M&P and Ruger 9mm. It will be a couple weeks before the buying process even begins as i was place on "the list". I was impressed with the. Megan had never held a hand gun before today, and below is her first 50 rounds at 10 yards.
View attachment 715239
so what is every one's favorite home defense loads in 9mm?

^ well the gun is largely for my wife. She cannot handle shot guns very well, so a pistol it is. I already have the shotgun for me for home protection duty. As far as the 9mm goes, that is also with her in mind. i would prefer something larger, but she can handle the recoil of the 9mm very well. When i no longer live in DC, the Glock 19 will most likely be my CC gun. So this is a plus as well.
My current load of choice for my 12 Ga is 3.5 inch #2. I live in an apt, so blowing holes in the walls with 00. At the ranges i would be shooting, under 5 yards, the 3.5 number 2 would take your head off without wounding a neighbor.