A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil.
The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity.
At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks. The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved ranch back in Texas.
The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity.
At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his barn in the middle of August on his beloved ranch back in Texas.
At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind.
At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, instead the man was singing louder than ever, twirling the sledge hammer like a baton.
When the devil asked him why he was so happy, the man answered, "Cold day in hell - the Cowboys must have won the Super Bowl!"
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:...
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
Not really, Pappy, it was boring. We didn't see a single a******, queer, piece of s***, horse's ass, socialist left wing Obama-lover, blind bastard, dips***, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went! We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun.
I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that Clearly shows not all cops are in that category.
This story involves the State Police in the town of Bordentown , N.J. who reported finding a man's body in the early evening in the Delaware River near the state highway-206 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in the Bordentown area. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 4 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt.
The Troopers removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.