Green Lantern
Have Truck, Will Travel
Wow, that is great Christmas decoration.
Nick
Nick
Monday Chuckle
- Thread starter Texican
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i sometimes dream of leaving the ex hanging like that.....
not my crappy little house tho...customer sent me that in an email. wish i could afford a house like that...then i'd still buy my crappy little house, but add onto the garage. if i extend it across the driveway, it would be 140sq ft larger than the house
Green Lantern
Have Truck, Will Travel
You have a call from Hell...
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth call England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth wrotes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free. The devil replied, since Obama became president of the USA, the country has gone to hell, so naturally it's a local call.
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth call England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth wrotes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free. The devil replied, since Obama became president of the USA, the country has gone to hell, so naturally it's a local call.
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Green Lantern
Have Truck, Will Travel
Maybe a repost, but still good.
never fails, you're out running errands and some dick in a truck pulls out in front of you....
I just experienced Deja-Vu... I seem to think that I see that all the time... maybe I need to get my eyes tested...
KOWBOY
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A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself..."
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself..."
Texican
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There is an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term was:
"Political Correctness."
The winner wrote:
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
"Political Correctness."
The winner wrote:
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
From my 7 year old
A termite walks into a bar and he says:
Is the bar tender here?
Four fonts walk into a bar.
The bartender says: You'll have to leave. We don't serve your type here.
Three strings walk into a bar.
They grab a seat and the bartender walks over. He looks at the first string and says "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here".
He looks at the second string and tells him the same thing.
As the words start coming out of his mouth the third string hops off the barstool and goes to the bathroom. He messes his hair up and makes himself into a half-hitch.
He walks back to the bar and sits down. The bartender comes over, looks at him and says "Aren't you a string too?"
He replies "No, I'm a frayed knot".
A termite walks into a bar and he says:
Is the bar tender here?
Four fonts walk into a bar.
The bartender says: You'll have to leave. We don't serve your type here.
Three strings walk into a bar.
They grab a seat and the bartender walks over. He looks at the first string and says "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here".
He looks at the second string and tells him the same thing.
As the words start coming out of his mouth the third string hops off the barstool and goes to the bathroom. He messes his hair up and makes himself into a half-hitch.
He walks back to the bar and sits down. The bartender comes over, looks at him and says "Aren't you a string too?"
He replies "No, I'm a frayed knot".
Jew is funny.
Texican
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Mark is trying to make the list........
Category:Jewish comedians - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Category:Jewish comedians - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
from the rising sun political humour thread
TeddyBoy
Knighted by the King of MUD himself
.....
KOWBOY
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An Englishman was holidaying in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. One day they were strolling along a nude beach when they noticed a naked Black local also strolling towards them.
The Black guy notices the white guy has '" WY" tattooed on his penis and asks what it stands for? The white guy says .. Well when I get an erection it spells my girlfriends name " WENDY " , The surprised white guy sees that the Black guy also has " WY " tattooed on his penis and asks what it stands for?
The black guy says , well when I get an erection it spells " WELCOME TO THE BAHAMAS AND HAVE A NICE DAY " !!
The Black guy notices the white guy has '" WY" tattooed on his penis and asks what it stands for? The white guy says .. Well when I get an erection it spells my girlfriends name " WENDY " , The surprised white guy sees that the Black guy also has " WY " tattooed on his penis and asks what it stands for?
The black guy says , well when I get an erection it spells " WELCOME TO THE BAHAMAS AND HAVE A NICE DAY " !!