Monday Chuckle
- Thread starter Texican
- Start date
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A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.
He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife.
The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.
He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife.
KOWBOY
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One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.
After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road the new bride sees two cows having sex.
The new bride asks"What are them cows up to honey?"
The husband a bit flustered answers"Why can't you see? Them cows they're roping!"
She replies"Oh I see!"
After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex.
Again the bride asks"What are them horses doing honey?"
The husband answers again"Them horses they're roping!"
She replies"Oh I see!"
Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.
"Oh my!" she cries"What is that?"
"Well darlin'" he chuckles proudly"That's ma'rope!"
She slides her hands down further and gasps"Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks.
"Honey those're my knots!" he answers.
Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says"Stop honey wait a minute!"
Her husband panting a little asks"What's the matter honey am I hurting you?"
"No" the bride replies"undo them damn knots I need more rope!"
After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road the new bride sees two cows having sex.
The new bride asks"What are them cows up to honey?"
The husband a bit flustered answers"Why can't you see? Them cows they're roping!"
She replies"Oh I see!"
After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex.
Again the bride asks"What are them horses doing honey?"
The husband answers again"Them horses they're roping!"
She replies"Oh I see!"
Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.
"Oh my!" she cries"What is that?"
"Well darlin'" he chuckles proudly"That's ma'rope!"
She slides her hands down further and gasps"Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks.
"Honey those're my knots!" he answers.
Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says"Stop honey wait a minute!"
Her husband panting a little asks"What's the matter honey am I hurting you?"
"No" the bride replies"undo them damn knots I need more rope!"
Texican
s-Moderator
- Thread starter
- #204
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'
Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his fxxxin widow.
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'
Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his fxxxin widow.
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So this dyxlesic walks into a bra.
Texican
s-Moderator
- Thread starter
- #207
There once was a magician. The magician worked on a cruise ship. Whenever he tried to do magic tricks the parrot would always give away where the item he made dissapear was. The magician could never do anything to the parrot because it was the captains bird. One day the ship hit an iceberg and sunk. Everyone got onto the life boats and were safe. The magician and the parrot were stuck on the same lifeboat. However their lifeboat drifted away from the others. After three days the parrot looks at the magician and said"OK I give up what did you do with the boat?"
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'
Inside the room you u will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots we re heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'
MORAL:
Women are freakin crazy.
Don't mess with them.
Inside the room you u will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots we re heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'
MORAL:
Women are freakin crazy.
Don't mess with them.
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE.'
He went to his wife in the kitchen and announced , 'From now on , you need to know that I am the man of this house , and my word is Law.'
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight and when I'm finished eating my meal , you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner , you are going to go upstairs with me , and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards , you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then , you will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow , guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?
The wife replied , 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'
HOW TO CLEAN THE TOILET
This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, p ut the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, p ut the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
KOWBOY
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- www.elwoodwhitetrash.com
Aboard the USS TARAWA for six months, my brother Don posted a picture of his beloved
truck in his locker.
Since his fellow Marines had pictures of their girlfriends posted, they often ridiculed him for his object of adoration.
'Laugh all you want,' Don told them, 'At least my truck will still be there when I get home.'
truck in his locker.
Since his fellow Marines had pictures of their girlfriends posted, they often ridiculed him for his object of adoration.
'Laugh all you want,' Don told them, 'At least my truck will still be there when I get home.'
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of water with 10 nice fish swimming around it them. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'
'Naw sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got no fishin' license. But you gotta understand something: these fish here are my pet fish.'
'Pet fish?'
'Yeah. Every night, I take these fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round in the lake for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into the ice chests here and I take 'em home.'
'That's a bunch of baloney! Fish can't do that.'
The redneck looked at the game warden intently for a moment and then said, 'I swear it's the truth, Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'
'O.K.,' said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the warden said, 'Well?'
'Well, what?' asked the redneck.
warden asked, 'When are you going to call them back?'
'Call who back?'
'The FISH!' yelled the warden!
'What fish?' asked the redneck.
Moral of the story: We may not all be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't all as dumb as some government employees.
The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'
'Naw sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got no fishin' license. But you gotta understand something: these fish here are my pet fish.'
'Pet fish?'
'Yeah. Every night, I take these fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round in the lake for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into the ice chests here and I take 'em home.'
'That's a bunch of baloney! Fish can't do that.'
The redneck looked at the game warden intently for a moment and then said, 'I swear it's the truth, Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'
'O.K.,' said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the warden said, 'Well?'
'Well, what?' asked the redneck.
warden asked, 'When are you going to call them back?'
'Call who back?'
'The FISH!' yelled the warden!
'What fish?' asked the redneck.
Moral of the story: We may not all be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't all as dumb as some government employees.
Bodean
Hot Damn
Aboard the USS TARAWA for six months, my brother Don posted a picture of his beloved
truck in his locker.
Since his fellow Marines had pictures of their girlfriends posted, they often ridiculed him for his object of adoration.
'Laugh all you want,' Don told them, 'At least my truck will still be there when I get home.'
See? That's why I have a picture sometimes
Later,
KOWBOY
President
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Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.
After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'
The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask, ready for action.
When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'
After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'
The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask, ready for action.
When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'
A mother is driving her daughter to her friend's house for a play date.
'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'
'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'
'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'
'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'
Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and daddy get a divorce?'
'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.
'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'
The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?'
'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'
'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'
'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'
'Because you got an F in sex.'
'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'
'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'
'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'
'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'
Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and daddy get a divorce?'
'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.
'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'
The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?'
'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'
'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'
'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'
'Because you got an F in sex.'
Texican
s-Moderator
- Thread starter
- #217
Why did the chicken Cross the Road?
Why did the chicken Cross the Road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road...
SARAH PALIN: That chicken never crossed the road. You betcha! I shot that liberal buzzard before it had a chance to sneak into Russia.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of crossing? What chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Scroll down for the real reason the chicken crossed the road
It saw Kowboy coming towards her and the chicken wanted to remain a virgin
Why did the chicken Cross the Road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road...
SARAH PALIN: That chicken never crossed the road. You betcha! I shot that liberal buzzard before it had a chance to sneak into Russia.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of crossing? What chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Scroll down for the real reason the chicken crossed the road
It saw Kowboy coming towards her and the chicken wanted to remain a virgin
Bodean
Hot Damn
Well it don't help when you feel up her sister's tits
Just to clarify, it was my sister in laws tits! They are nice and you would feel them up too given the opportunity
Later,
KOWBOY
President
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It saw Kowboy coming towards her and the chicken wanted to remain a virgin
I swear all I wanted to do was feel her tits.
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME, WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.