Monday Chuckle

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Mud exclusive!!!!!!!!!!!!

FRESH FROM THE TRAIL!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in VA last week, where I attended the Bay to Blue Ridge Fall Crawl, and this funny happened on the trail. Destined to be a wheeling classic.

Matzell's friend Dwight was doing a challenging hill climb in his built 4runner, but stopped in the middle when one of his front tires was a couple of feet in the air.

Matzell, who was spotting him, yells out "Keep going, you're still level."

Before we can stop chuckling, Vince [screwball] yells out.......


" DON'T LET THAT GUY HANG PICTURES IN YOUR HOUSE!"


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute the says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically , it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you,Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber than buffalo s***. It means someone stole tent."

:flamingo:
 
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.


The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.


He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'


To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shovelling.'


And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'


He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.'


So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.


He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'


The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'


Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'


The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither.'


The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.


Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells,

"SUPPLIES!!! !"
 
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'

Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

:flamingo:
 
i went to walmart the other day and saw they have obama christmas tree ornaments.

so now it's ok to hang a brotha from a tree.
 
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'

Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.
 
On the day of the Royal wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by her family, when she suddenly realized she had forgotten to purchase shoes for the day. She panicked. Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately, they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over, Sophie's feet were in agony.
When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they roughly heard what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream.
Eventually they heard Edward say, "God, that was tight."
"There," whispered the Queen. "I told you she was a virgin."
Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. "Right. Now for the other one," followed by more grunting and straining, and at last Edward said "My God. That was even tighter."
"That's my boy," said the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."

:flamingo:
 
A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a date at her parents’ home.

I’d scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster. Champagne.

I asked her, “Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?”

“No,” she replied. “but my mother’s not expecting a blow job tonight.”


I said "enjoy"...
 
91%20A%20Chicken%20Got%20Loose_thumb.jpg
 
and you were worried about the pics i was posting....

we need a throwup icon.
 
A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins.
One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.
"Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened ?"
"Well, it's like this. Old Charley was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."
"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?"
"About 20 years, sir"
"20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done."

"It was, sir."

:flamingo:
 
time for something cute to wash the sickness of butch's last photo out of everyones minds ;)
GUN CAT.jpg
 
That Tabby looks guilty to me.
;-)
Nick
 
You know what the State Fair and the Cowboys have in common???

They are both done for the season!


I heard Tony Romo was so depressed about his play this season that he attempted suicide. He put the gun to his head, and pulled the trigger, but the bullet was intercepted.....
 
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.



This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to

taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a

high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:




* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart,

the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .


* If you spend it on gasoline,

your money will go to the Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer,

it will go to India , Taiwan or China .



* If you purchase fruit and vegetables,

it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..



* If you buy an efficient car,

it will go to Japan or Korea .




* If you purchase useless stuff,

it will go to Taiwan .


Instead, keep the money in America by:


1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.


(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )



Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a

yard sale and drink beer all day !


No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
 
Yay prostitutes and beer. Think my wife will mind, That's right I'm divorced.
 
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