Y'all might has seen or even posted this before worth reading again..
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*AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS *AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in *Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. *E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black *Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you *pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also *asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you *somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for *your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants *when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that *cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just *returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She *had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my *birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very *evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when *pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun *walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your *pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you *leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from *calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us *again].
After I called your mother or *"Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode *of what you'd done Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those *of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy *with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely *grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless *guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. *[That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the *big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the *windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the *car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone *sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, *although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's *going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone *calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President *Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense *and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number *etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should *apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a *far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well *as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, *and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and *perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. *Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good *day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper *Fi,
Alex
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