WENDELL FALLS, NC — JEEP GLADIATOR OWNER IN DITCH SAYS HE WAS “JUST DOIN’ JEEP STUFF” ON THE WAY TO STARBIES
Trevor “Trail Rated” McDaniels of Wendell Falls would like everyone to calm down about his brand new Jeep Gladiator currently resting nose first in a decorative drainage ditch during a snowstorm.
“It’s called flex,” Trevor said, standing in Lululemon leggings, a Patagonia jacket, and a Jeep skully, holding an iced Starbucks drink that now has snow in it. “Y’all wouldn’t understand articulation angles.”
Trevor says he was headed to the weekly “Starbies & Suspension” meetup, where local Jeep owners gather to talk about tire pressure, compare cupholder mods, and discuss which curb at Target is the most off-road.
“I was just gonna cruise through downtown Wendell Falls real slow, let the people see the rig,” he explained. “Community morale.”
Witnesses say Trevor began sliding at approximately the speed of a cautious mall walker while explaining that four wheel drive makes you “basically immune to winter.”
His dashboard is lined with 63 rubber ducks, a sacred Jeep tradition where strangers leave ducks on each other’s vehicles as a sign of respect, friendship, and shared financial decisions. Several ducks have now fallen onto the floorboard and are “emotionally displaced.”
“You see all them ducks?” Trevor said proudly. “That means people recognize greatness.”
He also reminded bystanders that his vehicle is “Trail Rated,” though the trail in question appears to be a gently sloped HOA rainwater feature.
At press time, Trevor was revving the engine while yelling “C’MON BABY” to a truck that costs more than most starter homes, while his Mocha Frappe slowly turned into a slushie.
This is a developing story, mostly because Trevor still thinks he can rock it out if everyone would just stop giving him advice.