No stopping for pee-breaks?What do you do, piss yourself?
Let's say that it is possible to piss while riding a bike....
Road bicyclists - one of those memorable rides.
- Thread starter IdahoDoug
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Let's say that it is possible to piss while riding a bike....
Slight hijack: DOES PISSING BLOOD = A GOOD RIDE??
Y'all are nasty. I'm potty training my 3 YO right now and you guys VOLUNTARILY piss yourselves. Ewwwww.
Or the other option:
Fat Cyclist Blog Archive How To Pee Whilst Riding Your Bike
Today was going to be the day that I peed while riding my bike. I know what you’re thinking: Why? In case I ever get called up to ride in one of the tours, that’s why. The last thing I want to have happen is to be riding for Team Phonak during one of the 6-hour stages of the Giro d’ Italia, only to realize that I didn’t know how to urinate while bicycling. I just know what would happen. I’d overhydrate and then try to hold it in. Soon, I’d drop to the back of the pack, clenched and sweating, and then I’d just let go. Riders would make fun of my soggy shorts, and I’d start crying.
No, I want to be ready.
But how do I go about this? On the bathroom wall of my favorite bike shop is a poster of a rider holding another rider’s seat; a third rider is holding the second rider, and the first rider is making a beautiful stream away from his bicycle. Getting help seems like a good option. Should I ask someone to hold the back of my seat? If so, what accent should I use? I do an OK breathless old man impersonation (”Young man, I’m about to soil my trousers. I need help!”), and my Spanish accent is OK, but I think the British dandy would be the best approach, given the awkward nature of the request. Oh, or maybe go back a few centuries to Elizabethan times:
“Good sirrah! I am ill at ease! My full bladder bespeaks a most disquieting pain, a pain at once nightmarish and exquisite. My body cries out to me as if bedammed for nigh this fortnight. Were that it were not so! Perchance thou couldst hand my seat whilst I heed the beckon of nature’s most insistent call. Prithee, answer man!”
No, I knew I had to be realistic. I wasn’t riding with a buddy, and I wasn’t about to ask a stranger to help me, accent or no. If I was to go through with this, I needed to do it alone. Besides, you know those urinal troughs in seedy downtown bars and old baseball parks? Those make me nervous, especially when there’s a line. No one wants to hear the guys muttering behind him: “How long has that guy in the green fleece been standing there? I don’t see a stream. Hey pal! What’s the problem? Maybe you should step aside and figure it out while the rest of us go about our business.” This was going to be awkward enough without dealing with performance anxiety. I needed privacy.
I also needed some advice. So I went to the library. Ha! Just kidding. Here are the three rules I learned from the Internet:
Rule 1: Make sure you’re safe from legal repercussions.
Urinating in public may violate indecent exposure, public nuisance, and disorderly conduct laws. In some states, you can become a sex offender for urinating in public. You don’t want to have to knock on your neighbors’ doors and notify them of your status. It’s awkward.
Rule 2: Make sure you’re riding on a slight decline.
If you’re going too fast, you don’t want to lose control of your bike. If you’re going too slow, you don’t want to have to pedal midstream. You might as well just stop and get off your bike.
Rule 3: Learn the proper technique.
Extend one leg and rotate the opposite hip towards the extended leg. Free your member from the top or bottom of the shorts, and let it flow. Tap as necessary.
After doing my research, I decided it would be easy. It even looks easy.
Notice the varying techniques used by the cyclists. The Postie is using the over-the-shorts method, while the guy in the green jersey is using the under-the-shorts method. See how the right leg of his shorts is rolled up? Easy enough. I was all set. On the way into work, I found a nice, remote location with a slight decline and got ready to go. That’s when I learned one more rule to successful relief on a bicycle:
Rule 4: Make sure you really need to go.
The first time you try this, understand that Nature doesn’t just have to be making a polite house call, ding-dong. Nature needs to be banging on the door with an oak cudgel, shouting and threatening to breaks windows.
After work, I didn’t stop by the bathroom on my way to the bike cage, and I downed two bottles of water. I was good and ready. Almost too ready. After a painful twenty-minute ride through traffic, I finally got to a trail where I could get on with my business. I don’t want to go into the details of my experience, but let’s just say I learned two new rules:
Rule 5: Account for shrinkage.
You may not have as much capacity for extension as when you started the ride.
Rule 6: Once you start, don’t stop until you’re done.
It doesn’t matter if you think you see the lights of an approaching car or an oncoming cyclist. Stay committed. Otherwise, you’ll finish your ride with a soggy bottom.
And if You’re a Woman…
I have neither information nor advice for you. I’m sorry.
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Big Indian...
Believe me when I say that, that is extremely uncommon.
I have logged 10's of thousands of miles and don't recall ever having to piss my pants.
You have quoted from an elite pro racer...they are like .0001% of the cycling community. He is referring to what you may have to do if you are engaged in a 5/6/7hour race and well...if you have to go, you have to go. IIRC, often the pro's will communicate in the "peloton" and collectively decide to all stop for a "nature break", or you could whip it out and piss while riding no handed.
Believe me when I say that, that is extremely uncommon.
I have logged 10's of thousands of miles and don't recall ever having to piss my pants.
You have quoted from an elite pro racer...they are like .0001% of the cycling community. He is referring to what you may have to do if you are engaged in a 5/6/7hour race and well...if you have to go, you have to go. IIRC, often the pro's will communicate in the "peloton" and collectively decide to all stop for a "nature break", or you could whip it out and piss while riding no handed.
OK, I admit it, I tried it once while riding and got a bit of tinkle on my britches. Gotta work on my skillz...
But I did not piss in my pants!
Doug,
You're stories about your 80 are always epic, and now I can use your bike stories as motivation.
I would like to read more of your experience with supplements. I am a beggining rider (to road at least) and have not found the correct recovery. I feel like I can not get the lactic acid out. Alia176 had been beating me over the head with stretching and it has helped tremendously.
You're stories about your 80 are always epic, and now I can use your bike stories as motivation.
I would like to read more of your experience with supplements. I am a beggining rider (to road at least) and have not found the correct recovery. I feel like I can not get the lactic acid out. Alia176 had been beating me over the head with stretching and it has helped tremendously.
Not to barge in...OOps too late.
But a suggestion for clearing the lactic, post ride.
Try laying on your back and up against a wall so your legs are straight up in the air a vertical as possible, (straight up is best). Stay in that position for 10-15 min., and you should feel the blood drain from your legs. Will feel like they are "going to sleep" after 10-15min. and as your blood drains via. gravity, it will wash out the lactic acid as it goes.
Another trick is to take a very cold shower or bath. It is miserable but it causes the muscles to contract and extracts the lactic. Follow the cold shower with a very easy spin on rollers or trainer for 10-15min. so as to loosen up. Emphasis on zero resistance.
HAHAHA!!! Well, in all honesty, I can't imagine Doug would ever piss himself, I just wondered what his retort would be. Although after reading his writeup and knowing his capacity for a challenge.......it wouldn't surprise me if he has just to win a race.
I've met Doug several times, now, and while his outward appearance would lead a person to believe he owns nothing but Polo shirts, Dockers, and Cole Haans, he deftly transforms in a phone booth into his biking maniac alter-ego. I wish I was in as good of shape as Doug is.
for doing what you do, Doug!!!
- Thread starter
- #29
Heh, heh. Leave the office for a day and look what happens to your nicey, nicey thread about cycling!
Yes, I pissed on the bike once during a race. It wasn't going to affect the outcome much so I wanted to try it in race conditions in case some time I HAD to in a race. Frankly, I was surprised how hard it was to overcome the stigma of pissing while wearing something - purely psychological because I had to piss bad. Nothing fancy, I just let 'er rip while pedaling. But it took me about 3 minutes to get the flow going, and most of it ran down my leg, some in the sock, etc. 60 seconds later I couldn't even tell. The bike shorts are generally soaked through anyhow and it was a non event. Did it at the back of the group. No smell - nothing. In fact I forgot all about it until the next day and was surprised it was such a non event.
There is a ton of info on lactic acid online. Google it and/or go to a cycling forum. Putting the legs up AFTER STRETCHING PROPERLY (more good advice) is great advice. But one step before stretching also helps and that is to cool down by pedaling easy for 5 minutes or so after a ride hard enough to generate lactic acid buildup. As your carcass gets into shape it can also deal with lactic acid better and some supplements on the ride can also help prevent build up.
It's a great freakin sport. Tomorrow (Fri) I'm heading out on some bonzai rocket run with my fastest buddy and a friend of his who's faster yet. When you get a phone call like that (just a couple guys going - no further invites) it usually means some serious hammering and it's kind of an honor to get a call. Nerve wracking, too. No mention of distance, so I'll have food in my pockets for 50+ miles. Good times....
DougM
Yes, I pissed on the bike once during a race. It wasn't going to affect the outcome much so I wanted to try it in race conditions in case some time I HAD to in a race. Frankly, I was surprised how hard it was to overcome the stigma of pissing while wearing something - purely psychological because I had to piss bad. Nothing fancy, I just let 'er rip while pedaling. But it took me about 3 minutes to get the flow going, and most of it ran down my leg, some in the sock, etc. 60 seconds later I couldn't even tell. The bike shorts are generally soaked through anyhow and it was a non event. Did it at the back of the group. No smell - nothing. In fact I forgot all about it until the next day and was surprised it was such a non event.
There is a ton of info on lactic acid online. Google it and/or go to a cycling forum. Putting the legs up AFTER STRETCHING PROPERLY (more good advice) is great advice. But one step before stretching also helps and that is to cool down by pedaling easy for 5 minutes or so after a ride hard enough to generate lactic acid buildup. As your carcass gets into shape it can also deal with lactic acid better and some supplements on the ride can also help prevent build up.
It's a great freakin sport. Tomorrow (Fri) I'm heading out on some bonzai rocket run with my fastest buddy and a friend of his who's faster yet. When you get a phone call like that (just a couple guys going - no further invites) it usually means some serious hammering and it's kind of an honor to get a call. Nerve wracking, too. No mention of distance, so I'll have food in my pockets for 50+ miles. Good times....
DougM
- Thread starter
- #30
Well, turned out to be 64 miles and a hammerfest. At mile 25 one of the guys somehow pulled his rear derailleur into the spokes, which ripped out half the spokes, destroyed the frame and locked the rear wheel on a beautiful country lane downhill. Incredibly, he kept it upright down to a couple mph and fell over. While stopped with him and arranging a ride home, a lady in her 60s came down the hill on a little scooter waving crazily to us and we responded in kind, thinking it funny as she blasted past maxed out at 30 or so.
About 2 minutes later, the remaining 4 of us took off to finish the ride only to come around the next corner and find the lady laying in the road. We called 911, managed traffic (OK, 3 cars) and my buddies with medical training helped her out. Massively broken wrist, strange swelling on the back of her head and likely neck injury as well. Fully an hour later, we got back underway with the added pressure that the fastest guy needing to be home for a date with his wife to put a fine edge on the hammerfest. Wow.
We completely dropped a guy who has always been able to beat me, and I determined to hang with the two fastest guys. Pounding gel, drinking energy mix and drafting at 175 beats/minute on the heart meter kept me with them but barely. For the riders out there, I reached the point where I could no longer afford the air to eat or drink and even stopped blowing the snot out of my nose - accepting that it was going to dribble down my face at times. That maxed out, and trying not to blow when it was my turn to pull.
All of us ran out of water, so we stopped at a remote gas station for quick refills and took off again. I was literally feeling mentally dull for the last 10 miles - mechanically hanging on wheels and making accomodations because I knew I was not sharp for some reason. Pounded both bottles. When I got home, I found out why. Despite 4 large water bottles of fluid on the ride and two glasses of water on arrival, I went to shower and found on the scale I'd lost 6 pounds during the ride. That's nearly a gallon of dehydration!! Not good.
My late arrival home coincided with dinner hitting the table after a quick shower, which is essentially a cyclist's wet dream. 15 minutes after arrival I was pounding some excellent chow and feeling great. What a freakin great week of riding!!
DougM
About 2 minutes later, the remaining 4 of us took off to finish the ride only to come around the next corner and find the lady laying in the road. We called 911, managed traffic (OK, 3 cars) and my buddies with medical training helped her out. Massively broken wrist, strange swelling on the back of her head and likely neck injury as well. Fully an hour later, we got back underway with the added pressure that the fastest guy needing to be home for a date with his wife to put a fine edge on the hammerfest. Wow.
We completely dropped a guy who has always been able to beat me, and I determined to hang with the two fastest guys. Pounding gel, drinking energy mix and drafting at 175 beats/minute on the heart meter kept me with them but barely. For the riders out there, I reached the point where I could no longer afford the air to eat or drink and even stopped blowing the snot out of my nose - accepting that it was going to dribble down my face at times. That maxed out, and trying not to blow when it was my turn to pull.
All of us ran out of water, so we stopped at a remote gas station for quick refills and took off again. I was literally feeling mentally dull for the last 10 miles - mechanically hanging on wheels and making accomodations because I knew I was not sharp for some reason. Pounded both bottles. When I got home, I found out why. Despite 4 large water bottles of fluid on the ride and two glasses of water on arrival, I went to shower and found on the scale I'd lost 6 pounds during the ride. That's nearly a gallon of dehydration!! Not good.
My late arrival home coincided with dinner hitting the table after a quick shower, which is essentially a cyclist's wet dream. 15 minutes after arrival I was pounding some excellent chow and feeling great. What a freakin great week of riding!!
DougM
Nice day...couldnt ask for a nicer day and karma for the good deed done
Doug, you inspired me...
I got out yesterday for 2.25hours of hilly riding. Nice country roads.
Arbutus to Foothills to Bluehills to 148 to Littlecity to Candlewood hill to Higganum rd over to Cherry Hill. A lot of ups and downs.
I think I will go again today...
I got out yesterday for 2.25hours of hilly riding. Nice country roads.
Arbutus to Foothills to Bluehills to 148 to Littlecity to Candlewood hill to Higganum rd over to Cherry Hill. A lot of ups and downs.
I think I will go again today...
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- Thread starter
- #33
I realize this is turning into a "what did Doug do today" thread, but...
Last night around 11 pm we found ourselves returning from a dinner party and the Iron Man Triathlon starting first thing in the morning. Hmm, wonder if we could get the boat prepped, loaded with sleeping gear and food and in the water by midnight? Let the kids fall asleep in their bunks while I hooked it up, got it prepped and the plan was to slowly drive the 3 miles to the ramp and sleep near where they start the swim at 7am.
Spud - glad to be an impetus for you turning the cranks. Keep it up - this summer will only come around once in your life....
DougM
Boom! Full on storm hits as we're leaving the driveway. 45+ mph winds, slashing rain, branches falling on the Cruiser and boat all the way. Radar online showed a squall line and a gap before the big storm hit so I hoped the gap would happen while I launched and motored 1/4 mile. Perfect. We were in the slip with the hatches battened when the storm hit and my wife and I were hi fiving as it raged and we stayed snug.
Morning dawned beautiful as forecast and we were treated to 3000 swimmers cruising past 100 feet away as we ate oatmeal and drank coffee. What a treat!! Later, we motored over to watch them go by on the bikes at speed - more coolness.
Later, we were eating at a cafe on the main drag as the top 10 finishers ran past our tables to the finish line 100 feet away. I love being spontaneous!
Tom Evans won the Coeur d'Alene Triathlon and it was a thing of beauty to watch.
Last night around 11 pm we found ourselves returning from a dinner party and the Iron Man Triathlon starting first thing in the morning. Hmm, wonder if we could get the boat prepped, loaded with sleeping gear and food and in the water by midnight? Let the kids fall asleep in their bunks while I hooked it up, got it prepped and the plan was to slowly drive the 3 miles to the ramp and sleep near where they start the swim at 7am.
Spud - glad to be an impetus for you turning the cranks. Keep it up - this summer will only come around once in your life....
DougM
Boom! Full on storm hits as we're leaving the driveway. 45+ mph winds, slashing rain, branches falling on the Cruiser and boat all the way. Radar online showed a squall line and a gap before the big storm hit so I hoped the gap would happen while I launched and motored 1/4 mile. Perfect. We were in the slip with the hatches battened when the storm hit and my wife and I were hi fiving as it raged and we stayed snug.
Morning dawned beautiful as forecast and we were treated to 3000 swimmers cruising past 100 feet away as we ate oatmeal and drank coffee. What a treat!! Later, we motored over to watch them go by on the bikes at speed - more coolness.
Later, we were eating at a cafe on the main drag as the top 10 finishers ran past our tables to the finish line 100 feet away. I love being spontaneous!
Tom Evans won the Coeur d'Alene Triathlon and it was a thing of beauty to watch.