Wallstreet guru, busted for insider trading and says he's from the future...

Mar 22, 2004
Castle Rock, CO
Yeah, so it's over 2 yrs old...still cool/fun/EXCITING.. :D

Kinda a cool story from what I've heard so far:

Is the story a scam, is the guy a scam...if the whole story is made-up that makes sense, but if this guy really made that much money that quick, not sure how to think about it...other than write him a letter in jail asking for who wins the NBA title this year... :D

Wednesday March 19, 2003


NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.
Jan 3, 2003
McCall, ID
Sounds plausable to me.

Speaking of time travel, the new Dr. Who show DVDs are available in PAL format!


Remember the KnightRider!
Feb 22, 2005
The Old Pueblo
You know I told that dumbass Andy when we first came here that we needed to be lo-profile. He never was good at listening to my advice. I guess I will have to explain this to everyone back home. There is no way I am going back to bail him out of trouble again. :D
Mar 10, 2005
Harvard, IL USA
Weekly WOrld News?

THe same outfit that broke the story about Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden being gay lovers? :rolleyes:

Or of Dubya Being a space alien? Come to think of it, that would explain his sub-human intellect though.... Hmm, maybe it IS true then.



Mar 14, 2003
Gig Harbor WA
there is no way one person can have that many inside contacts in that many different firms to make that many good investments in that short of time, even if he did some of them would have had to turned out as bogus info and he would have tanked......just not possible, nor is it possible to just guess..............so yeah he must be from the future.....
Dec 13, 2004
Metuchen, NJ
I believe it.

This forum might actually prove time machines exist; and how many are still like 50 years behind -- just scroll thru the reposts! :flipoff2:
Top Bottom