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How close is too close?

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by mot, Jul 13, 2005.

  1. mot

    mot

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    How many of you live close to your parents and more importantly, for those of you who are married, how far/close do your in-laws live?

    If you are not married, do you plan on living near your family or your girlfriend's? Which one would you choose to live close to if you had to choose one? Or does it not matter to you?

    Does her family drive you nuts? Or does YOUR family drive you nuts more/worse? ;p

    What are the benefits and drawbacks of having them close or far away? Have you had any issues? If you live close to (or far away) from them, do you have plans of changing that in the future?

    Anyway, my wife and I (and the kids) would like to move back to the US in the near future and this is one of the topics that comes up very often when discussing it.

    Interested to know what some of you old farts have learned from your experience (mistakes?). :D ;p

    Mot
     
  2. PHBeerman

    PHBeerman

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    Life was good when my parents lived in Perth.
     
  3. OZCAL

    OZCAL

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    Well, our family is 7,200 miles away in California. When we visit, we stay with my parents. When my wife goes up to LA for work, she stays with my parents. If we lived in LA, and the house was big enough, we'd live with them. Couldn't pass that up. Might happen someday. We always tell them that if we ever move back to the States, if my parents wanted to we'd add a second story to their house if we could live there. Our son loves them more than anything, and vice versa. European families live this way; my wife is Greek American and is more popular at my parents' house than I am.

    Mot I don't know your situation, but especially with a little one at home, I'd say the closer the better.

    David
     
  4. mj1015

    mj1015

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    My wife is Canadian and her folks are great. My people drive me crazy but I don't see them very often.

    We have lived over seas a lot and the deal was any time she wanted to go home it was cool. See usually goes about 1 time a year for a month and seems happy with that, also gives me a chance to eat mac and cheese out of the pot and drink the milk out of the carton. When I go to see them I hang around and do chores for a few days and then head off to the woods for a while and they seem cool with that.

    In the last 11 or so months that I have been in Afghanistan she has been home 2 times and her folks and sister came for a visit in South Carolina. They also visited us in Germany and Bosnia of all places, that was a real trip.

    If I did live near them that would be quite Ok, great people.
     
  5. LabRat11

    LabRat11

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    Ask yourself how often do you want to see your parents?? Then move an appropriate distance away from them. My parents are 1/2 hour away which I think is about perfect for me. It's close / convenient enough for the occasional visit (approx twice a month) yet far enough that they don't drop in every day - which my mom would do given the chance.
     
  6. Metal Spice

    Metal Spice

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    Well, this is one of those questions that's going to be differet for everybody. Both my parents & my inlaws live roughly 650 miles away - 1 in NJ & 1 in Hilton Head. Now, we always lived by my parents when we moved here & I loved it & so did my husband. We also have no children so that wasn't a factor in anything. The last few years we lived in NJ, we lived with my Mother-in-law. Yes, I said WITH. We had sold 2 houses & were getting things in order to move & my father -in-law had just passed away so we lived with her for a while. Yes, it fully sucked. That said, it just depends upon how well both of you get along with each other's families. Having family where they are now can be difficult come vacation time. We have wheeling trips & also vacation where we want to see our families & since they both live at the beach, we go every year, only my in laws seem to get more time from us where my parents tend to get long weekends from us, mostly because they come up here & visit us too. My in-laws don't do that. My MIL will come out on her own, but she's the only one. You have to decide how much vacation time you wanna spend on your families, who gets the holidays & how much travel time you have, who gets how much time, etc. It really can be difficult. AT least when my parents were here, we didn't have to budget time to travel down to SC & we could see them whenever we wanted. I wish you the best of luck in your move back to the states & remember, live where you want to live, not where everybody else wants you to live.
     
  7. VTFJ40

    VTFJ40

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    My family drives me up a wall. They try to meddle (sp), alot.
    Wifes family is cool. They don't get involved.

    Good luck.
     
  8. VTFJ40

    VTFJ40

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    Very wise advice.
     
  9. flounder

    flounder

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    My in-laws live about 5 miles away from me but they watch my little girl everyday instead of daycare. We also go over there alot for dinner and swimming. Sometimes they get on my nerves but I deal with it, they are really good to my daughter and wife which is the main thing anyhow

    My folks live about 80 miles away and I wish they were closer as my daughter LOVES them and vice versa. But usually they come over anytime my daughter asks them too. I really like hanging out with my pops too, now my mom can drive me batty in a hot second.
     
  10. Gumby

    Gumby Supamod Staff Member s-Moderator

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    My Mom's family is about 2.5 hours away. That's perfect. You can do a trip to see 'em in a day, but nobody expects you to more than a couple of times a year. My Dad's family is 5 hours away. Too far. I don't see him nearly as often as i would like. OTOH, my wife's family is also 5 hours away. They are too far because when we do make the big trip to go see them, we have to visit for way too long for me.

    2-3 hours is perfect.
     
  11. crushers

    crushers post ho SILVER Star

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    my family is 2500 miles away downside is they do drift since you are not part of your life.
    my wifes family is 3 hours away, close enough to visit but far enough away they are not around all the time...
    if i had to do it again i would probbly be 3 hours away from my folks too...
     
  12. mot

    mot

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    David,

    We just moved in with my parents about three months ago. It's not unusual for young couples/families to live together with their parents (usually with husbands' families). It's been fine for me, but it's a bit too close for comfort for my wife (we have dinner together almost every evening with my folks). I would kill myself if I ate dinner with her folks every night. :crybaby:

    Both my parents and my wife can communicate with each other well enough that they can understand each other pretty well. When they have trouble, my kids (6 and 4) are happy to translate for Mommy. ;)

    I would like to live fairly close to my in-laws for the reasons mentioned by you and others. But not sure if I would be able to land on a job in Utah which would then allow us to live close to them. :frown: I guess I could always flip burgers or wash dishes or something and have my wife work, too, since the kids can be watched by her parents. :rolleyes:
     
  13. mot

    mot

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    I don't mind living far, far away from my folks since I did that for approximately thirteen years while living in the US.

    It's actually my wife and her family that would like to live close to each other (I love them and have nothing against living close to them :rolleyes: )

    Mot ;)
     
  14. mot

    mot

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    Very cool advice indeed. I'll have to remember that one.

    Thanks!

    Mot
     
  15. Critter

    Critter

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    I am 45 minutes from my folks. I am not married.
     
  16. mot

    mot

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    Sounds like three hours is the magic number. ;)
     
  17. Trunk Monkey

    Trunk Monkey Moderator

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    Mot, if you come to Salt Lake, we can protect you. If your in-laws are coming down from Logan - surprise club run!
     
  18. patride71

    patride71

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    ditto.
     
  19. mot

    mot

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    Thanks, Cory!

    A friend in need is a friend indeed! :D
     
  20. e rock

    e rock

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    Both my family and the in-laws are about an hour away. I actually wish we were all closer so we could tap the babysitting resourse a little more often. But my in-laws are pretty cool, so it definitely depends on the people involved. To them, I'm like the son they never had; their real son is a pussy and even though he lives about 15 minutes from them, they never see him or his kids... Even when they lived 10 minutes away and had to commute past our house every day, they'd still call before stopping by.

    Just for comparison's sake, there's a guy I work with whose in-laws live about 2.5 hours away. They visit or expect visits almost weekly. Unannounced overnight stays are commonplace. I just laugh. He comes into work early some days and I know it's because he was trying to get out of the house before his mother-in-law woke up.