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GREAT relationship epiphany

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by Cookiemonsterette, Jul 13, 2005.

  1. Cookiemonsterette

    Cookiemonsterette

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    Relationship epiphany

    Among all of my infrequent visits to the Ih8mud forum, inevitably someone is seeking advice or solace over a sour relationship (Wife, girlfriend, daughter, ect..). I read a book recently that gave me a relationship epiphany. I thought I’d include some excerpts for those of you who might be interested.

    The in-love experience does not focus on our own growth nor on the growth and development of the other person. Rather, it gives us the sense that we have arrived. Falling in love is not real love. It is euphoric, blinding, infatuated, effortless, and a temporary emotional high (typically two years) that serves to increase the probability of sexual pairing and bonding so as to enhance the survival of the species.

    Real love unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. True love cannot begin until the “in-love” experience has run it’s course. Love is a choice.

    Five Love Launguages:

    Words of Affermation
    • Recognition, appreciation, kudos, encouragement, kind words, empathy
    Quality Time
    • Togetherness, attentive conversation, quality activities
    Receiving Gifts
    • They don’t have to be expensive and not even given on any kind of special occasion
    Acts of Service
    • Doing things for one another, helping around the house, taking the load off (sometimes you might have to overcome personal stereotypes in meeting this need)
    Physical Touch
    • Hugs, Kisses, back rub, snuggles, running fingers through hair, holding hands, embracing, and intercourse
    • NOTE: Many men mistakenly assume that physical touch is their primary love language because they desire sexual intercourse so intensely. For the male, sexual desire is physically based; stimulated by the buildup of sperm cells and seminal fluid. When the seminal vesicles are full there is physical push for release. Thus, the male’s desire for sexual intercourse has a physical root. For the female, sexual desire is rooted in her emotions, not her physiology.

    Three ways to discover your own primary love language
    1. What does you spouse do, or fail to do, that hurts you most deeply?
    2. What have you most often requested of your spouse?
    3. In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse?

    Understanding the five love languages and learning to speak the primary love language of your spouse may radically affect his or her behavior. People behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full. Running your marriage on an empty “love tank” may cost you even more than trying to drive your [cruiser] without oil.


    “Five Love Languages: how to express heartfelt commitment to your mate” by Gary Chapman
    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...102-8574889-3393709?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

    Five Love Languages of teenagers
    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...102-8574889-3393709?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
     
  2. Gumby

    Gumby Supamod Staff Member s-Moderator

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    Just don't look at the number of times Cookiemonster has viewed the cheerleaders thread. ;)
     
  3. T Y L E R

    T Y L E R

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    Do the five 'fingers' of love count ?? :D



    TY - buildup-smildup :rolleyes: ;p
     
  4. mabrodis

    mabrodis

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    Great info! Thanks for taking the time to post that Cookiemonsterette, I, for one (most recent relationship rant, and I've gotten PMs from many people saying they are going through the exact same thing) really appreciate you wanting to help us poor souls out.

    Soooo :rolleyes: , whatcha doing tomorrow night? :D
     
  5. tea LC

    tea LC

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    Love is subjective so what's your point? I think females mistakenly assume sexual desire is rooted in their emotions - they should take some lessons from man. :flipoff2:
     
  6. Cookiemonsterette

    Cookiemonsterette

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    You know what "physiology" means don't you?

    When you can produce a pair of functioning mammary glands, we'll get right on that. :princess:
     
  7. Gumby

    Gumby Supamod Staff Member s-Moderator

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    If I could do that I might never leave the house.
     
  8. TX_TLC

    TX_TLC

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    This is a VERY good book that will teach you alot about yourself and others...if you let it! Great post ma'am....
     
  9. tea LC

    tea LC

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    in terms of female physiology, you mean the once a month beotch phase we have to deal with :flipoff2:

    do you know what 'epiphany' means? the reissue of the book you mentioned was in 1996!!! some ephiphany! unless you just read the book than i appologize.
     
  10. Cookiemonster

    Cookiemonster

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    Opps wrong thread.

    Can anyone please help redirect me to the cheerleading thread. Thanks.
     
  11. swank60

    swank60

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    LOL - you need to check out macneill's spring break thread, also. :D
     
  12. T Y L E R

    T Y L E R

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    Damn, when I saw you had posted , I was thinking it was to watch your wife bitch slap Tea LC .. :D



    TY
     
  13. swank60

    swank60

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    Ever just sit back and watch someone get so far over their head that they'll never, ever get themselves out?




    :doh:
     
  14. Jman

    Jman

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    LOL, you win: Best In Thread! :cheers:
     
  15. T Y L E R

    T Y L E R

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    Never mind Best in Thread ... how about Best in Show .. now rack 'em up !! We wanna see 'em .



    And yes , we'll accept a crude chop .. ;p Gumbriella is born ..



    TY
     
  16. Urrrk

    Urrrk

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    I wrote my wife a poem. Do you think I'll get some tonight?

    But seriously, this is good advice. We had a long talk about what amounts to our "languages of love" without knowing anything about this book. It helped.

    Marriages are a lot of work.

    -Erik
     
  17. bad_religion_au

    bad_religion_au

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    bah i won't hijack this thread with my twisted ramblings... i was going to though
     
  18. mabrodis

    mabrodis

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    I shouldn't...but I will...

    In any relationship it seems each person learned different things and does things slightly different because that's how the other person likes it done. Women usually expect men to learn all sorts of things, the 'right' way to do a number of mostly meaningless items (how to cleanup, what goes where, how she actually wants the bills paid before they are overdue, etc)...so why is it so taboo for the guy to want the girl to learn to have sex more. This doesn't not seem like rocket science, I understand sex *can* be a bigdeal for a girl, but it doesn't always have to be, it *can* also just be fun and something that is enjoyed often without it being some serious 'not sure if I love you enough to do it today' type of thing...if guys were that judgemental nothing would ever get done...do I love her enough today to change the oil in her car? No, no I don't...do I love her enough today to pickup around the house? No, no I don't. But you have to do that crap no matter if you feel like it or not...so why does the sex thing all of a sudden change all of that...that apparently is something you can't just 'do', you have to be ready for it, and it has to be her decision all the time?!? F-that! Last time I checked a relationship was a 2-way street, which means sometimes the girl would have to do things solely for the guy, *gasp* even if she doesn't want to, since the guy undoubtedly does things for the girl he doesn't want to do. (yes I'm biased and bitter about this, thanks for asking :D )
     
  19. bad_religion_au

    bad_religion_au

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    that's not what i was going to say but agree wholeheartedly

    or the "why don't you show me affection anymore"... after 6 months of being told off for kissing her, rubbing her back or neck, touching her leg, or stroking her hair... fawk i stop doing these thing cause you told me too, now i'm in sh!t for not doing them...
     
  20. beaufort-fj60

    beaufort-fj60

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    this "guy" sells a VHS version also, the wife and I visited a marriage councilor and she gave us this video to watch. Funny stuff, seeing the audiences faces when the "guy" is explaining the love languages.