I have had some trying issues in regards to my daughter, lately. I haven't shared much before, but things have come to a very troubling (to me) point, and, I guess, I'd like to bounce things off of folks on the board. There's a lot of wisdom here, and I'd like to hear what others think. I know that I am too emotionally involved to trust my judgement fully as to what to do. My 15 1/2 year old daughter has moved out of my house to be full-time at her mother's place. Her mother and I were divorced 9 years ago from an unhappy marriage, and the involvement (for a couple of years before the divorce) of a third party, who is now my daughter's stepfather. The custody arrangement from the court, which was not contested at the time, was for equal physical custody, and my daughter has gone back and forth between the two homes every 1-2 weeks ever since. I have done everything I knew how to keep the arrangement as amicable as possible. I've been careful not to ever put down the other family in front of my daughter or in public, although I cannot say that in my heart I have the highest regard for them, naturally, I think. Since we work in the same (100 employee) place, I have had lots of positive feedback saying that we have done well working out this relationship: the model sort of comportment, so to say. My daughter has, over the last couple of years, become withdrawn and moody at times. She has seen counselors, although she thinks little of them (calls them "quacks") and has been on antidepressents, although she doesn't take them accountably. And, it turns out, she has been doing cutting and burning of her skin lately, and even punched a hole in the wall of her room (and covered it up with a picture, so I didn't find out about it until this week). My ex-wife describes to me explosive arguements and battles between herself and my daughter, and also between my daughter and her stepfather. A month ago she was even discussing kicking her out of her home because of how much she upset her. While we've experienced the silent-withdrawn stuff, there have been no pitched battles when she is in our home. Well, it turns out that at the same time, for at least the last two years, my ex- has been instigating and pressing for my daughter to spend full time in one home. She tells me this week she has even consulted lawyers on several occasions. At the same time, although she would deny it, she has been undermining my current wife to my daughter. Now, my current wife and daughter have had a great relationship until the past couple of years, when, as my wife puts it, she suddenly "lost" my daughter. She has done tremendous things for her (taken off 2 months to help her with dyslexia training across the country, supported her through many issues, gone to all of her events that she could, played music with her, etc.). She has also been clear and reasonable about her expectations for my daughter, far more consistant than my ex-wife. And, while I have heard my ex- say nice things about my current wife, I have also heard her make very negative comments ("she's cold," "I can't talk to her," "I'm a little afraid of her,") in front of my daughter and others. So, a couple of weeks ago the ex-wife proposed to let my daughter choose between the homes, and my daughter chose her Mom's. The reason she gave was her bad relationship with her stepmother ("she moves my stuff when I'm gone from my room" is the only concrete issue she has so far verbalized). And, she's gone. We've emailed a little (one sentence stuff). My ex-wife has assured me (with a grin on her face) that I'll still have a "relationship" with my daughter, but so far nothing has been arranged or encouraged, except by me, with nothing developing so far. And here's a kicker, for me: ex- says that stepdad and daughter are still fighting at times, "but they made up and she was laying around with her head in his lap this afternoon." Now, I know that I am angry and hurt and sound like a jealous ex-husband, all of which I am, but there is something about that picture that bothers me a lot. Given the other troubles, it worries me. I've shared that comment with my family, and all of them think it is inappropriate. Am I over-reacting? I don't want to make things worse by pressing an issue that isn't one, but I also don't want to dismiss something that may be important. At the same time as all of this, my ex- has arranged weekly counselling and psychiatric sessions for my daughter (I'm to pay for them, and have no objection, have helped set them up), but plans to leave next week for a two week vacation out of the country, in the middle of all of this, and leave my daughter with, who knows? No decision. I need some help here. I know it is far beyond the mud board, but I want to know what people think about the stepfather thing. It could turn out big, and lifechanging for everyone, so I am looking for feedback from reasonable people. Thanks.