Bad luck with women

Joined
Apr 14, 2004
Messages
127
Location
North Pole, Alaska
I posted a thread a while back about my 1st ex wife and the troubles. Oh well life goes on.

I am just blowing off some steam here . I am not looking for sympathy here. I can find that in the dictionary between s*** and syphillis.

I have been married 2 times. I will not set here and say that i did nothing . I will be the first to admit that there are things I did/ did not do. That is history. Well last year I did something out of the norm. I found a very attractive woman on yahoo personals. I thought I had found the perfect woman for me. It was out of this world as far a relationships go's. This woman got up every morning with me at 4:30 she would make my lunch and have my breakfast ready for me when I got out of the shower. We would sit and have a cup of coffee together and chat a little. She would give me a kiss and a hug to get the day started. It was the same way when I got home from work. Dinner would be ready I would get a warm greeting when I got home. Sex was never a issue. She was always willing. She kept house as good as my mother. That is saying a lot .

Well I came home everyday. We did everything together. I never went to bars of anything like that. If I went anywhere she was there beside me. We liked all the same things. we would sit and talk for hours sometimes. There we days that we did not even turn the tv on. It was great.

Well we desided to get married and were working on getting everything ready to go ahead and get hitched. I had bought tickets for use to go to mexico for a honeymoon. I had bought here a $3000 ring.

She changed jobs and i noticed that she had started to dress a little bit different but I just figured it was because she was feeling better about herself and her new job. She told me that the people she worked with wanted her to stay after work for a beer. She would always tell them no that she wanted to come home to me, so she said. I told her that once in a while was okay but she still came home. About 6 weeks before we were to get married she said that the people at work wanted her to go out to a bar after work. I told her that i was not comfortable with it because I did not know the people she worked with, and that it had trouble written all over it. So on friday she did not come home. I figured she may have stopped at the store or something but after a while iI figured she was out somewhere. She called about 9:00 and told me she was at a bar with her friends. I let her know I was not happy about it so she hung up on me and stayed out till 11:30. Needless to say we had a problem. We talked about it and she said she would not do it again. Then after about 2 week she asked me if she could stay after work to visit with the peolpe she worked with, again I said once in a while was fine. So on monday she stayed after work and had a beer and then came home. No problem. I am not a control freak I did not mind her having friends. Wed comes along and she does it again so I let her know that once in a while is not every other day. Friday come and she does not come home or call. I am up until about 2 am. I call the police, troopers , sherrif and the hospital. No one has made any contact. So by now I am worried and pissed beyond belief. The next morning I get up and warm up the cruiser and I am going into town to look for her and my truck. She calls and asks if she can come home. I told her no. Then she came up with all these lame excuses that she was afraid to call the night before or come home. Well I go into town and get my truck and I go by the bank and have her taken off my bank account. In my eyes what she had done had bad news written all over it. When I get home she has already got a ride home and is waitng for me. I would not even talk to her. So when I got over being angry and was able to talk to her. She tried to say that she need to have her own friends and that I was not gigving her the attention she needed. Hello we spent all of our time together. So everything is spinning out of control. She tells me she wants to split up oso we can try to be friends. I agree that it is best that we part ways. Well she leaves and stays in a motel for a week. Then she calls and wants to come back. I tell her no. The stings she has done I have no time for. Then she tells me she is going to kill herself. So I am concerned for so I call her dad in N.Y.. He tells me about her mother and grandmother. This was the first time I had been told about the mental issues. 2 days later she shows up here with all of her stuff wanting to come back. Again I tell her no and I was not going to have this type of crap going on around my son and that she needed to seek help. She gets angry and tells me she is going to go and kill herself. She takes off, so I call the troopers and tell them what has happened. A trooper comes to my house and I tell her the whole story. The trooper tells me to stay by the phone and they will be in contact. My neightbor comes over to see if I am okay. I tell him waht is going on. The next thing i know I hear a light tap on the door. Here she is covered in blood wanting to know if she can clean up as if nothing haas happened. I get her into the bathroom. She is not bleeding to bad. While she is in the bathroom i step out and call the trooperes and let them know she has shown up covered in blood. They send the troopers and a ambulance out. When she hears someone drive up she comes out of the bathroom and see's the trooper and she looks at me with this evil look and says you are doing this to me.

Teh trooper comes in amd asks me if she has any weapons on her. i tell him "not that I know of" . He goes in and she talks to his as if nothing has happened. The medic's come in and treat her. They find a bottel of valum on her. I had no idea she had that crap. So they take her away

The next day she calls and tells me she did it because she loved me so much.

I am sorry but in my eyes she has problems and she needs help.

I get my credit card bill ( the one thing I forgot about) she had maxed it out and she had been buying drugs online.

Talk about a wake up call. Here I was about to marry this woman and I had no ide of what I was getting into. I am glad I found out before I married her.

Again I am just putting down my thoughts to help myself get past it. I was a soilier once. Seeing people covered in blood in war is part of the job, but seeing someone you were ina relationship covered in blood is not something I was prepared for.

She has sent me a few emails wanting to know if we can get back together. I am sorry but I will not put my son or myself through that. I can no live my life wondering when it may happen again.

Sorry for being so long winded.

Maybe this will help you to appreciate the relationship you have. I guess I have sucker stamped on my forehead.
 
Joined
Apr 24, 2003
Messages
2,209
take as much space as you can.

good to see your son comes first.

i personally don't understand the issue of going to bars, but that's just me, i realise heaps of couples have that rule.

hindsite is a wonderful thing, but the unfortunate thing is that it requires the sh!t to hit the fan for the clarity to set in
 
Joined
Mar 27, 2003
Messages
2,610
You son is most precious .. and your choice is quite valid. I wish you the best in all of this man.

As a medic I see my share of this type of heartache ... and you're right in that seeing and hearing about it makes us value our 'normalcy'.

Good luck my friend,


TY
 
Joined
Jan 3, 2003
Messages
7,184
Location
McCall, ID
You did well. You did the best you could. You made a good choice in the end.

This is why I believe in looooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg engagements. :)
 
Joined
Apr 9, 2003
Messages
201
Location
San Jose CA
Wow

Your note brought back some memories for me. It's tough being involved with a person who has some mental problems.

I used to think I was going to be able to help her with her problems. After 7 years, on and off, I finally figured out that I wasn't up to the task. Probably no one individual is, and they have these people called 'professionals' who do this sort of thing for a living. And they have the training for it, and the skills, and the ability to walk away from it at the end of each work day to get their own sanity back.

You probably did her a big favor, because now she will likely get some professional help, and maybe, over time, she'll get a better handle on her issues.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself and your son. You just have to look out for him and yourself, because there's no one else to do it for you. Hopefully the belief that you are doing the right thing will make the problems of dealing with the demise of the relationship a bit easier to take.

Good luck.
 

Recon1504

 
 
Joined
Jul 31, 2004
Messages
245
Location
Ohio
I can relate to your plight. I have a similar yet different situation going on right now. As much as I miss her, I now know it is better that she is gone and I am regaining some of my lost sanity. Wrencin on the Cruiser is a great form of therapy. Figure out your priorities and keep focused on them (your son) and things will get better. I've had good days and bad days but starting to have more good than bad.
 
Joined
Apr 14, 2004
Messages
127
Location
North Pole, Alaska
Thanks guys. I am doing okay now. This all took place about a month ago. I have been spending time with my son. Last week was his first soccer practice. He will also be starting T ball before long. All of the lakes have melted of so we have some fishing to do also.

My son comes first. I will not allow anyone to do anything that may cause him harm in any way. For me I am well on my way to getting over this. It is not easy at times. When you have someone in your life who does all the things that you could ever want in a woman it is tough when they are gone. However I do know that it is best that she is not in my life.

She sent me a email last week asking yet again if we could get back together. I told I am sorry but no. I have been taking this time to put my life back togetheer and moving on as she should be. I also wished her good luck.

The thing that really gets to me is she will not admit to herself how bad her problems are. She just shrugs it off like it is normal. I am sorry but I don't care if no one even likes me, I love me and I would never do anything to hurt myself. To me that is just plain crazy.

Again thanks for the input guys.

Tony
 

HZJ60 Guy

Tank Buster
Joined
Sep 11, 2003
Messages
2,355
Location
Seattle area
Wow is all I can say! God bless you and your son. Im so glad you got out of this in time!!!!

How can women be so DAMN WEIRD? Good and consistant personality and way of doing things and then WHAM O! They turn into phychopathical strangers!

Thank God you got out of this when you did.
 
Joined
Mar 27, 2003
Messages
2,610
concretejungle said:
I just knew that meeting and talking to people on the internet was crazy.
You'd think so wouldn't you ..... on the other hand I used to frequent a chatroom a decade ago, within which at least 2 or 3 couples met (for the first time) and eventually got married. :eek:


TY

 
Joined
Dec 13, 2004
Messages
768
Location
Red Triangle
Dude. There are too many good women out there to spend time baby sitting this one. You are raising your son, you don't need to raise a wife too. Cut her loose and try to get her pointed towards a place where she can get some help. Don't sweat the post space. Sometimes a guy just needs to vent. Chat at $20 a year is cheaper than fixing walls with holes punched in them.
 
Joined
Mar 10, 2005
Messages
53
Location
Harvard, IL USA
Sorry this happened to you. You had to make a choice, and you made the one that is right for you and your boy.

I wish I could say this is uncommon, but it isn't. Many people with mental illness meet soemone who is normal, and to avoind stigma, don't mention it and go off the meds and don't see the p-doc. What happens is that they eventually yo-yo till they are out of control, their moods are not stabilized, they try self medicating to continue keeping it a secret, and then lose control. Their partner gets the call at 2 am saying that their loved one is in the psych ward after cutting or taking too many pills, and it actually comes as a surprise to them that he/she had a problem at all....

It's a shame, cause the stigma attached is so powerful... But honesty is the best way to go. Something like "look, I'm Bipolar. I think you should know that now before we go any further." If you do decide to continue, you can learn a lot about how to help them, go to counseling or psychiatric appointments, etc. It's still exceptionally trying at times-- no matter how strong and well versed you are -- but if you know what you're getting into it's different. And at other times, it can be totally wonderful... You have to take it a day at a time.

She owed you an explanation before you got as involved as you did. She didn't give you one, but you have to understand the fear she lived in-- that once you found out, you'd leave.

I know quite a bit about this subject-- both as a layperson and as a POSSIBLE profession. I have't decided that far yet, but we'll see where things go from here.

PM me if you have any questions. I can give advice based on personal experience only. ;)

Steve
 
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