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2005 Darwin Awards - Enjoy

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by Brentbba, Jul 14, 2005.

  1. Brentbba

    Brentbba Former Golfer SILVER Star

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    Note...If you don't know what these are then you're about to find out...

    basically, these are the awards for the most un-evolved people on the planet...

    Often the winners are paralyzed or dead....

    Very often, they are dead...

    Enjoy!





    --- Original Darwin Awards ..2005

    Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
    bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious
    winners.

    1.
    When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
    hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something
    that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
    again. This time it worked.....

    2.
    The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and,
    after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The
    company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for
    himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

    3.
    A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
    blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the
    space. Understandably, he shot her.

    4.
    After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that
    the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to
    Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to
    a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
    delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
    patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
    wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    5.
    An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
    received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
    lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
    to a moving train before he was hit.

    6.
    A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked
    for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
    asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The
    man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
    The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun
    at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

    7.
    Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
    throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So
    he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The
    cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
    unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
    caught on videotape.

    8.
    As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse
    and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a
    detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the
    snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was
    then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
    replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

    9.
    The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in
    Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
    turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
    food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
    available for breakfast The man, frustrated, walked away.

    10.
    A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
    When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
    street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to
    find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A
    police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and
    plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner
    of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd
    ever had.

    11.
    IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
    squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
    keys.

    12.
    Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through
    the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the
    long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into
    the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

    13.
    AND THE WINNER:
    Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
    constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
    of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly,
    and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated
    Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema
    when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
    unexpected defecation knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his
    head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his
    bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.
    With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
    before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
    just one of those freak accidents that proves that "s*** happens!"
     
  2. bad_religion_au

    bad_religion_au

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    13 is old, word for word i remember that story from when only the "rich kids" at school had a computer
     
  3. PHBeerman

    PHBeerman

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  4. Jman

    Jman

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    If ya don't know, I ain't tellin'
    Hate to rain on your parade, but a lot of these are old, old, old (flashlight one, fer sure) and some of them aren't even Darwin awards. The parking space in the snow one--how is that a Darwin award?
     
  5. 72cruiser

    72cruiser

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    yeah, that was is just awesome