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  1. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Getting a hair dryer thru customs A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?' 'Of course, child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened...
  2. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    What is a woman? A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget...
  3. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl as. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the onders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He...
  4. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Jose Cuervo New Year Cookies 1 cup of water 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp salt 1 cup or brown sugar 4 large eggs 1 cup nuts 2 cups of dried fruit 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is...
  5. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Interesting things you find out when you have sons, like... 1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder...
  6. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Quote of the day: 'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and...
  7. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Wise--Cracks! Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) <><> I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good...
  8. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME, WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you has screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I...
  9. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    HOW TO CLEAN THE TOILET This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you. 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, p...
  10. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE.' He went to his wife in the kitchen and announced , 'From now on , you need to know that I am the man of this house , and my word is Law.' You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight and when I'm...
  11. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your...
  12. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Why engineers don't write cookbooks Chocolate Chip Cookies: Ingredients: 1. 532.35 cm3 gluten 2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3 3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite 4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride 5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 7...
  13. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. 'How much do you want for the mower?' asked the preacher. 'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,' said the little boy. After a moment of consideration, the preacher...
  14. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    When you have an "I Hate My Job day" [Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days] Try this out: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson Be very sure you get this brand. When...
  15. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    During this unbelievable turmoil on the market, here?s the best investment advice I have heard so far: If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today. If...
  16. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.' She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old...
  17. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Actual craigslist ad. Reads as follows: "27ft winnebago with Legand cat 24ft fishing boat, will not seperate, motor home need some brake work and little body work. boat stored partially inside. " Located in southern Iowa Pictures below...
  18. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women...
  19. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, while awaiting their respective flights. One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a...
  20. 9

    Monday Chuckle

    Colonoscopy This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal: .... I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterolgist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over...
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