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10-04-09, 07:30 PM
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#451 (permalink)
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Forum Lifer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Bonham Tx.
Posts: 3,673
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KOWBOY
GOOD GAWD that's funny!! 
I just forwarded that to damn-near ever'body I know. 
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'cept with your lil fella it don't hurt 'em
__________________
_______________
Conflict is inevitable.....
Combat is optional....
Lone Star Land Cruisers
REAL TEXAS MUSIC
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10-04-09, 07:59 PM
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#452 (permalink)
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Site Addict
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Texican
'cept with your lil fella it don't hurt 'em
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I don't know Butch...sounds dangerously close to the voice of experience to me...  
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10-05-09, 01:59 PM
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#454 (permalink)
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not an addict
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: meh-ico, colorado
Posts: 9,332
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> A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little
> girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion
> grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her
> inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming
> parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and
> hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
>
> Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go
> of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified
> parents, who thank him endlessly.
>
> A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The
> reporter says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and
> brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
>
> The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the
> lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger,
> and acted as I felt right."
>
> The reporter says, "Well, I'm a journalist from
> the New York Times, and tomorrow's paper will have this
> story on the front page... so, what do you do for a living
> and what political affiliation do you have?"
> The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a
> Republican."
>
> The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to
> see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on
> front page:
>
> "U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS
> LUNCH"
__________________
"to learn is to teach someone else"
only four cruisers left
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10-14-09, 04:21 PM
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#455 (permalink)
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Forum Lifer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Bonham Tx.
Posts: 3,673
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Old Butch
John was in the chicken business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters. He kept records, and any rooster not performing
went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report
by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize
but they also awarded him the Pullet-surprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully next year, the bells are not always audible.
__________________
_______________
Conflict is inevitable.....
Combat is optional....
Lone Star Land Cruisers
REAL TEXAS MUSIC
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10-14-09, 04:50 PM
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#456 (permalink)
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Site Addict
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Iowa Park. TX
Posts: 1,505
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That was a good one!!
__________________
"Can you just imagine how funny it would be to see Nolen, painted blue/green wearing white cut off overalls, being chased by a home built unicorn? The real kicker would be Mark as the man behind the curtain." ~... David Dearborne 
http://www.marksoffroad.net
Chief of the Fire and Rescue of the White Trash of Elwood! By Gawd!
In our system, the police do not exist to defend our rights, but rather to enforce the will of the nearest state functionary who claims the 'authority' to violate our rights
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10-15-09, 06:06 AM
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#457 (permalink)
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CottonLand Cruisers
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Brandon, MS
Posts: 4,321
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Wisdom of An Older Man:
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'
'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she appears out of nowhere….'
__________________
Jeff
CottonLand Cruisers
Whitetrash of the Elwood Chapter
I PRINT T-SHIRTS!
78 FJ40 4" Skyjackers, 35" MTR's, Detroit, Metal Tech cage, 8274, Choctaw Sliders, Mini truck P/S, 2F!!
TLCA #3164
USAF - POL 1987 - ?
"Caliente Maldito"
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10-19-09, 03:17 PM
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#458 (permalink)
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Have Truck, Will Travel
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 742
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It's Monday.
This is a bit lame, but applicable to some folks.
Happy Trails!
N
YouTube - Dennis Leary - Im an asshole (the real video)
__________________
Nick Stone
81 BJ42 "BJ"
82 FJ60 "Sparrow"
Lone Star Land Cruisers TLCA #8070
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10-19-09, 05:22 PM
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#459 (permalink)
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not an addict
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: meh-ico, colorado
Posts: 9,332
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Lantern
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can't see youtube at work, but the asshole song was on the cure for cancer cd...great cd.
__________________
"to learn is to teach someone else"
only four cruisers left
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10-19-09, 06:41 PM
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#460 (permalink)
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Unwise One
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Elwood, TX
Posts: 3,938
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A Prayer for daddy
"Dear God, this year please send some clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."
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10-20-09, 11:34 AM
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#461 (permalink)
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Forum Lifer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Bonham Tx.
Posts: 3,673
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Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, David the physician, the King's chief doctor.
David thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, David made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, David informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers.
David then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by the King and Queen as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found David demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that David could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, David slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.
The King immediately summoned Nick . . .
The moral of the story - Pay your fuckin' bills.
__________________
_______________
Conflict is inevitable.....
Combat is optional....
Lone Star Land Cruisers
REAL TEXAS MUSIC
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10-20-09, 11:48 AM
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#462 (permalink)
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Have Truck, Will Travel
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 742
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Doc,
Do I owe you anything?
;-)
N
__________________
Nick Stone
81 BJ42 "BJ"
82 FJ60 "Sparrow"
Lone Star Land Cruisers TLCA #8070
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10-20-09, 11:52 PM
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#463 (permalink)
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Site Addict
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 1,410
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.......
__________________
Cameron Mosley
'85 FJ60 - Daily Driver
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10-24-09, 07:40 PM
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#464 (permalink)
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Forum Lifer
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Montgomery Co. TEXAS
Posts: 3,634
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Prior to her trip to Texas, Virginia had confided to her sorority sisters that she had three goals for her trip the Lone Star State: she wanted to taste some real Texas barbecue, she wanted to take in a bona fide Texas rodeo, and she wanted to have sex with a Texan.
Upon her return, the sorority sisters were curious about how she had fared.
"Let me tell you," she said, "they have an indigenous bush down there called Mesquite, and when they slow-cook that brisket over that mesquite wood, wow! That beef not only melts in your mouth, the taste is beyond belief! And the men? I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes! These guys wrestle real, full-grown bulls like they do in Spain. Except they ride a horse at full gallop, throw a rope on these huge bulls, then jump off the horse and literally grab the bulls by the horns and throw them to the ground and tie 'em up. And that's not all! It's a race! They ALL do it and only the fastest gets prize money!"
"Virginia! Come on, tell us! You said you wanted to make love to a Texan! What happened?"
"Well," Virginia said, "I'll admit, I was tempted, but when I was at the rodeo and saw the outline of the condoms in the back pocket of those Texans' jeans, I changed my mind!"
__________________
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have." ~ Thomas Jefferson
And yes, I'm on of those "Rural American's" that clings to his guns and his religion!
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10-24-09, 07:43 PM
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#465 (permalink)
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Forum Lifer
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Montgomery Co. TEXAS
Posts: 3,634
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One fur the a n m grad-u-ates....
There was an Aggie that was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him "I've kidnapped you."
The Aggie wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An Aggie."
The Aggie then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Aggie checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Aggie opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Aggie do this to another Aggie?!"
__________________
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have." ~ Thomas Jefferson
And yes, I'm on of those "Rural American's" that clings to his guns and his religion!
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10-25-09, 05:54 PM
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#466 (permalink)
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Forum Lifer
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Montgomery Co. TEXAS
Posts: 3,634
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Instead of posting all these bumper stickers I'll just post a link to the Cummins forum thread
(Warning: If you're an Obama fan you won't care for these)
Obama Sticker - Dodge Cummins Diesel Forum
__________________
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have." ~ Thomas Jefferson
And yes, I'm on of those "Rural American's" that clings to his guns and his religion!
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10-26-09, 09:45 AM
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#467 (permalink)
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not an addict
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: meh-ico, colorado
Posts: 9,332
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hhhmmmm, my ex is blonde
__________________
"to learn is to teach someone else"
only four cruisers left
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10-27-09, 01:09 PM
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#468 (permalink)
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not an addict
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: meh-ico, colorado
Posts: 9,332
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This is why your mother told you never to accept candy from strangers
__________________
"to learn is to teach someone else"
only four cruisers left
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10-27-09, 08:55 PM
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#469 (permalink)
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not an addict
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: meh-ico, colorado
Posts: 9,332
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everyone at work now has this on their cellphones....
YouTube - Cartman-Whoop somebodys @ss
__________________
"to learn is to teach someone else"
only four cruisers left
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11-01-09, 05:16 PM
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#470 (permalink)
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not an addict
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: meh-ico, colorado
Posts: 9,332
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is that a multi tool in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Multi Tool, Wenger, The Giant Swiss Army Knife
__________________
"to learn is to teach someone else"
only four cruisers left
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11-01-09, 11:53 PM
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#471 (permalink)
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Local Diesel Fanatic
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ft. Worthless, TEXAS!
Posts: 3,151
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 66fj40x2
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hahaha love this!
i need to check over there more often!!
__________________
[O] =TOYOTA=[O] = Mo Betta!
**84 FJ60 "Fiona", OME springs, anti inversion lift shackles, 33's, Front aussie, Rear Detroit, 4.56's, and exhaust..... For Now.... ROTW, 2F-E Swap**
**82 BJ42 SR and some 33x10.50-15's**
91 Honda Civic Hatch "Fry" with a JDM B20B CR-V Engine, with some bolt ons... Oh and it might have some nitrous there somewhere as well... 
01 Dodge 2500 "Clifford" 5spd 4 door 4x4 Cummins Turbo Diesel with enough go fast goodies to be stupid fast.
 Need A Cruiser Mechanic? Zismine4life@yahoo.com <----(Me/Trent)
I of course guarantee all of my work to be a professional installation / service.
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11-08-09, 07:21 AM
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#472 (permalink)
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Have Truck, Will Travel
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 742
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Bubba at college
A professor was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands. 'Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands.
'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand. 'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?' Three students raise their hands.
'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Bubba replied, 'Shiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said goats.
__________________
Nick Stone
81 BJ42 "BJ"
82 FJ60 "Sparrow"
Lone Star Land Cruisers TLCA #8070
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11-09-09, 03:46 AM
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#473 (permalink)
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Local Diesel Fanatic
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ft. Worthless, TEXAS!
Posts: 3,151
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that aint right...
__________________
[O] =TOYOTA=[O] = Mo Betta!
**84 FJ60 "Fiona", OME springs, anti inversion lift shackles, 33's, Front aussie, Rear Detroit, 4.56's, and exhaust..... For Now.... ROTW, 2F-E Swap**
**82 BJ42 SR and some 33x10.50-15's**
91 Honda Civic Hatch "Fry" with a JDM B20B CR-V Engine, with some bolt ons... Oh and it might have some nitrous there somewhere as well...
01 Dodge 2500 "Clifford" 5spd 4 door 4x4 Cummins Turbo Diesel with enough go fast goodies to be stupid fast.
Need A Cruiser Mechanic? Zismine4life@yahoo.com <----(Me/Trent)
I of course guarantee all of my work to be a professional installation / service.
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11-12-09, 11:40 AM
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#474 (permalink)
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Forum Lifer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Bonham Tx.
Posts: 3,673
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Two best sellers............
__________________
_______________
Conflict is inevitable.....
Combat is optional....
Lone Star Land Cruisers
REAL TEXAS MUSIC
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11-12-09, 11:42 AM
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#475 (permalink)
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Forum Lifer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Bonham Tx.
Posts: 3,673
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Titanic:.... Cost - $29.99
Clinton:...... Cost - $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:...... Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:.... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:...... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:... Let's not go there.
Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:.... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:...... Monica.. ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
__________________
_______________
Conflict is inevitable.....
Combat is optional....
Lone Star Land Cruisers
REAL TEXAS MUSIC
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11-12-09, 03:54 PM
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#476 (permalink)
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Have Truck, Will Travel
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 742
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East Texas Humor...
Gay Bob goes to the Doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says 'Bob, I'm not going to beat around the bush, you have AIDS.'
Bob is devastated. 'Doc, what can I do?
Doc says, ' Eat one sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,
1/2 box grape nut cereal and top it off with 1 gallon of prune juice.
'Bob asks: 'will that cure me?'
Doc says 'No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ASS is for.
And...
A man seeking to join an East Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed.
The Deputy doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, he says:
"Take this pistol and go out and shoot
six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
and a rabbit. "
"Why the rabbit?"
"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"
__________________
Nick Stone
81 BJ42 "BJ"
82 FJ60 "Sparrow"
Lone Star Land Cruisers TLCA #8070
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11-13-09, 06:54 AM
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#477 (permalink)
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CottonLand Cruisers
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Brandon, MS
Posts: 4,321
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A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's
opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one
hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked
under his arm.
Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"
Little boy: "What the f#@% do you think?"
__________________
Jeff
CottonLand Cruisers
Whitetrash of the Elwood Chapter
I PRINT T-SHIRTS!
78 FJ40 4" Skyjackers, 35" MTR's, Detroit, Metal Tech cage, 8274, Choctaw Sliders, Mini truck P/S, 2F!!
TLCA #3164
USAF - POL 1987 - ?
"Caliente Maldito"
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11-17-09, 07:05 AM
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#478 (permalink)
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CottonLand Cruisers
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Brandon, MS
Posts: 4,321
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Subject: Dog For Sale
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings
the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever
sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,
what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA... In no
time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms
with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some
undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I
got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.
__________________
Jeff
CottonLand Cruisers
Whitetrash of the Elwood Chapter
I PRINT T-SHIRTS!
78 FJ40 4" Skyjackers, 35" MTR's, Detroit, Metal Tech cage, 8274, Choctaw Sliders, Mini truck P/S, 2F!!
TLCA #3164
USAF - POL 1987 - ?
"Caliente Maldito"
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11-17-09, 10:45 PM
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#479 (permalink)
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Local Diesel Fanatic
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ft. Worthless, TEXAS!
Posts: 3,151
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haha i came cross that un here recently as well.
__________________
[O] =TOYOTA=[O] = Mo Betta!
**84 FJ60 "Fiona", OME springs, anti inversion lift shackles, 33's, Front aussie, Rear Detroit, 4.56's, and exhaust..... For Now.... ROTW, 2F-E Swap**
**82 BJ42 SR and some 33x10.50-15's**
91 Honda Civic Hatch "Fry" with a JDM B20B CR-V Engine, with some bolt ons... Oh and it might have some nitrous there somewhere as well...
01 Dodge 2500 "Clifford" 5spd 4 door 4x4 Cummins Turbo Diesel with enough go fast goodies to be stupid fast.
Need A Cruiser Mechanic? Zismine4life@yahoo.com <----(Me/Trent)
I of course guarantee all of my work to be a professional installation / service.
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11-17-09, 11:06 PM
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#480 (permalink)
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Forum Lifer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Bonham Tx.
Posts: 3,673
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Obama question's
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One's full of tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other
is for prisoners.
Q: What's the difference between Simba and Obama?
A: Simba is an African lion while Obama is a lyin' African.
Q: What's the difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler wrote his own book.
Q: What's another difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler got the Olympics to come to his country.
Q: Why doesn't Obama pray?
A: It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.
__________________
_______________
Conflict is inevitable.....
Combat is optional....
Lone Star Land Cruisers
REAL TEXAS MUSIC
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Texican
wanabecruisen
