Land Speeder
InstaH8R
alia176 said:Dear Mr. Dan:
My name is Isabelle Ali and the doctor says that I should be born in just six weeks, on February 13th. Personally, I’m thinking that I’ll make my entrance whenever I damn well feel like it.
Anyway, I thought that that this would be a good time for me to introduce myself since according to my parents, you and your wife are part of the reason that I exist. Got your attention now, don’t I?? You see, my mom was kinda stressed out about trying to have a kid at the age of 37 and my dad, at 38, wasn’t all that relaxed about it either. But then dad took mom to Moab in May of this year where she met your wife, Sara and your two kids. Sara was super nice to mom and gave her lots of vodka and a couple of really good pep talks about how being older parents is really cool because you know so much and feel really ready and that kind of stuff. It sounds like Sara really made mom feel better which made her give dad her own version of a pep talk: “you know babe, if an old stud like Dan can produce two kids, you should be able to pull it off too..” Wouldn’t you know it, for Fathers Day on June 19th, mom handed dad the positive pregnancy test. Then she went and threw up. It was all terribly romantic…….
So you see, I think it’s safe to say that you served as a sort of inspiration to my dad just as Sara was an inspiration to my mom. This makes you indirectly/partially responsible for my conception which, in turn, makes you indirectly/partially responsible for my safety. Basically, my daddy needs the $100 to help make the cruiser a more baby-friendly and safe place for me to be and you need to fork it over. It’s just the right thing to do.
Did I mention how cute I plan on being and how I will own a set of toy tools long before I’ll own some silly doll? Unless of course, daddy can’t afford to make the truck baby- friendly enough for mom to allow him to take me along on wheeling events. I’ll end up learning how to shop and paint my nails instead of learning about locking hubs and proper winching techniques. A damn travesty is what it would be. All your fault too.
I leave you with the question: “which kind of woman do you want your boys to come home with someday???”
Oh Jeez! She has to win! I just turned 30 and can't even write an essay as well as she can from the womb!
