Chuckle of the day... (1 Viewer)

[TRchieD]

BUBBA AND JIMMY JOE...
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. Bubba, where'd you get that truck? Bobbie Sue gave it to me Bubba replied. She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new...Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobbie Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed in to the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, Bubba, take whatever you want. So I took the truck!...Bubba,Jimmy Joe said...you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you.

 

[TRchieD]

A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all. He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with." He thought, "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life." He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?" He said, "I'm NOT happy. My balls itch."

 

[CruiseOrlando]

First-year students at the Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor".

"The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

 

[CruiseOrlando]

I think my entire family is racist.

I was dating an Asian woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family.

My wife and kids didn't even want to talk to me.

 

[TeddyBoy]

So is this what you guys do between GSMTRs? Kinda explains a lot.

http://distractify.com/mark-pygas/sad-state-facts/

 

[Irish Reiver]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
" Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know, I haven't had the flu all winter."

 

[Irish Reiver]

The married ones will know the truth of this

 

[Irish Reiver]

 

[Irish Reiver]

A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and Police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car in town at the pub and took the bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint on Narcoossee Road where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a Bus they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I'd never driven a bus before

 

[Irish Reiver]

Like all people who are involved in flying vehicles through the sky, Father Christmas has to have a pilot's license. That means regular visits by examiners from the FAA.
Well, shortly before the Christmas in question, an examiner turned up from the FAA to test Father Christmas' skills as a pilot and check out his sledge.
Father Christmas had made sure his paperwork was in order, given his sledge a good cleaning and made sure the reindeer were in good shape and was quite confident that he would pass the examination okay, as he always had before.
The examiner looked through all the paperwork and had no problems with that. He walked slowly around the sledge, kicking the runners as he went along. He checked the harnesses, checked the reindeer's feet,* did some power/weight ratio calculations and generally gave the impression that he was happy with everything.
Then came the pilot evaluation. Father Christmas climbed into the sledge, fastened his seat harness, checked the gauge panel and said a few encouraging words to the reindeer.
Then the examiner climbed onboard and Father Christmas was astonished to see that he was carrying a shotgun.
"What are you going to do with that?" said Father Christmas, with more than a little concern.
The examiner gave him a little nudge and said "Look here, I shouldn't really be telling you this, but you're going to lose an engine on take-off."

 

[Irish Reiver]

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[cruisermatt]

 

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[Irish Reiver]

 

[cruisermatt]

 

[FL cruiser]