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12-15-05, 01:20 PM
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#1531 | |
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IH8MUD Lifer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: One of Four Presidential Flying Saucers
Posts: 1,463
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So the top three threads - this instant - are the athiesism thread, chreerleader thread and the one about having a gay son. How is it that TUT is not up there too?
Uppsy daisy! __________________ Quote:
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12-15-05, 02:00 PM
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#1532 | |
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The Anti-Tech
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n __________________ nial, Hippie teleboarder God is too big for just one religion... '77 FJ55, stocker, with a locker (and some other stuff). Now with 95% Mojo! Footsoldier for the Kingdom of TUT |
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12-15-05, 04:26 PM
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#1533 | ||
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I m m o d e r a t o r
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: If ya don't know, I ain't tellin'
Posts: 1,126
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__________________ 87 FJ60 Quote:
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12-15-05, 04:37 PM
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#1534 | |
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IH8MUD Lifer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: One of Four Presidential Flying Saucers
Posts: 1,463
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Here's a question:
If you found out The Ultimate Thread was gay, would you still accept it? If you did accept it, would you pull it to the side and tell it you didn't want to see any of it's shennanigans? What if it were a gay athiest? And supported honor killings? That said, Sweet Jebus the board is on a serious note today...wtf? __________________ Quote:
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12-15-05, 04:37 PM
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#1535 |
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On a road to nowhere
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Glendale, AZ
Posts: 688
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WTF?? Is that a Lifetime movie?
Last night, GF's son wouldn't get out of the hot tub, too wrapped up in watching South Park. So I changed the channel inside (outside tv shares a box with roomate's TV) to the Soap Opera channel. He got out REALLY fast then. I'm evil. __________________ It takes two to tango; one to do the running man.
// Support the ho-less: buy my Sexy Nekkid TEQ Lady Cruiser stuff // Copper State Cruisers member #69  |
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12-15-05, 04:39 PM
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#1536 | |||
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I m m o d e r a t o r
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: If ya don't know, I ain't tellin'
Posts: 1,126
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 A pretty loopy one, if I remember correctly.
__________________ 87 FJ60 Quote:
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12-15-05, 04:42 PM
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#1537 | ||
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I m m o d e r a t o r
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: If ya don't know, I ain't tellin'
Posts: 1,126
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Bud Abbott: You've got to deliver these to the Susquehanna Hat Company!
Lou Costello: Where? Bud Abbott: It's on Bagel Street! Lou Costello: Where's Bagel Street? Bud Abbott: I don't know, we'll ask somebody. It's on our way down there Lou Costello: (Getting a hat from the box) How much did you say they are? Bud Abbott: $7.50 a piece! Lou Costello: (places a hat on his head) How do I look with a 7 and a half dollar hat on? Bud Abbott: Let me see ... say, kind of spiffy! Lou Costello: OK? Bud Abbott: Alright, but carry those (gives boxes to Lou) but don't get it dirty! Lou Costello: Let's go Bud Abbott: Be careful Lou Costello: Bagel Street eh? Bud Abbott: Bagel Street! Lou Costello: We'll ask somebody! Bud Abbott: We'll ask somebody! (down the street) Bud Abbott: Here. Ask this fellow where Bagel Street is! Lou Costello: OK - (to stranger) Excuse me ... can you tell me where Bagel Street is? Man: Sorry Buddy, I haven't got a dime! Lou Costello: Who's asking you for money? I'm only asking you where Bagel Street is! Man: Do I know where Bagel Street is?? Of course I know where Bagel Street is! What do I look like, a dummy? Do I look like I have just come off a boat? Is there a tag on my lapel saying that I just came from Ellis Island? Of course I know where Bagel Street is! I was born and raised on Bagel Street! My brother was born on Bagel Street! You know my brother? Lou Costello: All I'm asking you ... Man: (interrupting) Why do you go round talking about my brother? I'll have you understand my brother is one of the finest guys to have ever walked in shoe leather. My brother was an honest student at school! Go ahead, say something nasty about my brother. Say something like ... 'he shouldn't get a parole!' Lou Costello: I'm asking you where Bagel Street is! A common ordinary citizen asking another fellow where Bagel Street is! I have to deliver these hats to the Susquehanna hat company! Man: (grabs Lou by the lapels) Lou Costello: Let go of me! Man: (points to Lou's hat) - is that a Lou Costello: yeah! Man: (Takes off Lou's hat and holds it) You know who makes these hats? Lou Costello: I don't know some ... Man: (interrupting) Child labour! Little girls. 13 - 14 years old. Little girls with curls down their hair. They work 13 - 14 hours a day. They work in a sweatshop all day long. (punches hole through top of hat) Here's what I think of a Lou Costello: (helplessly looking on as man goes crazy ripping his hat apart) seven and a half dollars!! Man: Ow!! (he's just cut his finger) Mmmm (sucking finger) Lou Costello: What's the matter? Man: So you put the wire in there to cut my finger? (beating Lou over the head with the hat) Boy! the Bud Abbott: Well. You know that's gonna cost you, you know! Lou Costello: Give 'em back to Dan Bud Abbott: Seven dollars and fifty cents! You broke one of Dan's hats! Lou Costello: Look, all I did was put a hat on my head (places another hat on his head) Did I ask the guy to take it off? Bud Abbott: That's enough! It's the way you ask them! Lou Costello: You ask the next guy! Bud Abbott: Come on. Never mind. Let's find Bagel Street! (Further down the street) Bud Abbott: Here. Ask this lady where Bagel Street is! Lou Costello: Excuse me lady! Can you tell me where Bagel Street is? Lady: Bagel Street? (cries) Ohh, why did you have to remind me of Bagel Street? My husband was killed on Bagel Street, do you hear? My husband was killed on Bagel Street! Lou Costello: Well I mean, after all, all I don't understand this. I wanna go, to the Susquehanna Hat Company! Lady: Susquehanna Hat Company??? (cries angrily, takes hat off Lou's head) - Is that a Susquehanna hat? That's the same kind of hat my husband was wearing when he was killed! He wouldn't have lost his life if he had of been wearing a good hat when that safe fell off that 15 storey building - but no! He was wearing a hat like this one. (punches hole through hat) That's the cheapest hat I ever saw ... Oh! My husband's dead! (runs off crying) He's Dead! He's Dead! Lou Costello: He ain't dead lady ... he's hidin'! Bud Abbott: Now look! Lou Costello: That guy! Bud Abbott: Now, just a minute! That's two hats you've broken! Now you know how much you own Derby Dan? Lou Costello: How much do I owe Derby Dan? Bud Abbott: Fifteen Dollars! Lou Costello: Fifteen Dollars? Bud Abbott: Yes! (shouting) and STOP insulting women!!! Lou Costello: Look! All I asked her was 'where was Bagel Street!' (Young Woman walks up behind Lou) Young Woman: Bagel Street? (screams) Lou Costello: (punches hole in hat before she has an opportunity) Young Woman: Bagel Street? Don't ever mention that name to me again! I can't stand it! (takes broken hat and hits Lou over the head with it) BAGEL STREET! (storms off) Oh! Bud Abbott: Wait a minute! Lou Costello: (picks up hat boxes and looks as if he's about to throw them away) Bud Abbott: Hold that still! Lou Costello: Give him back the hats! Bud Abbott: Take that box and go on down there and find out where Bagel Street is! (pushes Lou down the street -- further down the street - pauses outside china pottery shop) Lou Costello: Hey, Eddie. Bud Abbott: What? Lou Costello: How much do I owe Derby Dan now? Bud Abbott: Twenty two dollars and fifty cents. Lou Costello: I'm going to try just one more! (places another hat on head) Bud Abbott: Be careful with that one, will you please! Lou Costello: Yes sir! Bud Abbott: Hey wait a minute ... I've got an idea. I'm going to run back to our plumbing shop, and get some of those little business cards of ours, and we can give them away to those society people up in Briarwood. Lou Costello: Very good business sense you got Eddie! Bud Abbott: But find out where Bagel Street is, please! (Exits scene) Lou Costello: OK, I'll ask another guy that comes along. I'll ask anybody, I don't care! (Man comes into scene) Lou Costello: Excuse me, Mister. Can you please tell me where Bagel Street is? Man: (sadly) Bagel Street? Don't ask me where Bagel Street is ... (starts crying) A terrible thing happened to me on Bagel Street (openly sobbing). I was walking along, minding my own business, and a safe fell off a 15 storey building on my head and killed me!! Lou Costello: A safe fell 15 floors on your head and killed you? Man: Yeah!! (sobbing) Lou Costello: Well, as long as you're dead then there's no use asking you where the Susquehanna Hat Company is ... Man: (loudly) Susquehanna Hat?!? That's the kind of hat I was wearing when I was killed and ... Lou Costello: (quickly takes off hat and places it back in the box) Man: ... and you ask me about a ... (takes hat out of box) - this hat?? this hat is not worth wearing and .. (yelling) This is the kind of hat I was killed in! (punches hole through hat) Lou Costello: Eddie! Man: (beats Lou over head repeatedly with broken hat) Lou Costello: Eddie! Eddie! Man: (screaming) You're asking me about ... (pauses) I'm so sorry (calmly). I .. I .. I think I've broken your hat! Lou Costello: You think you've broken it? Man: Yeah Lou Costello: This is the fourth Susquehanna Hat I... Man: (yelling) Susquehanna! (grabs vase and breaks it over Lou's head -- Shop proprietor, an older Italian man named Luigi, comes out to see what the commotion is about) Luigi: What are you doing? Help! Police! Help! Help! Help! Cop: What's going on here? Luigi: Ah, this fellow here, this big fellow, is trying to take it on the little fellow, my friend Cop: (grabbing man) Come on! Luigi: Lock him up! Man: (Smiling) You can't take me to Jail! Cop: Oh no? Man: I'm dead!! (laughs) You can't take me to jail! Cop: Oh yes I can! Come on! Man: I'm Dead! (laughing hysterically) Ha ha ha ha! Cop: (drags crazy man off to jail) Luigi: He's crazy! Lou Costello: He's crazy! Luigi: Yeah! What can I do now for you, Albert? Lou Costello: Luigi, How can I get to the Susquehanna Hat Company? Luigi: Susquehanna! Susquehanna! Lou Costello: Luigi! Luigi: (Runs in shop, reappears with axe and smashes all the vases on display!) Lou Costello: (grabs hat boxes and runs off) __________________ 87 FJ60 Quote:
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12-15-05, 05:20 PM
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#1538 | |||
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To all a good night!
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That was beautiful. thanks
__________________ Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Al Einstein '99 UZJ100 "The Iron Hippo" / '82 FJ40 "Mustard" / '73 FJ40 Quote:
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12-15-05, 05:22 PM
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#1539 | ||||
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To all a good night!
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__________________ Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Al Einstein '99 UZJ100 "The Iron Hippo" / '82 FJ40 "Mustard" / '73 FJ40 Quote:
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12-15-05, 05:38 PM
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#1540 |
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I Solve Problems...
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i am finishing up a late lunch today. got me some chips and salsa to wrap everything up. chips appear to be of the homemade variety...very tasty.
although some of my arabic and indian friends might have issues with it, i am eating the chips/salsa with my left hand. as a result, the fingers on my left hand have oil and salt on them. not wanting to get this mess on my keyboard, i am typing with just my right hand. makes for slow typing. i think i would have been better off if i had just wiped my fingers off with a napkin and used both hands... oh well... i would have normally waited until later to post something, but Jman's post was pretty darned funny and I felt a need to say so. thanks dude. ...now I need to go wipe my fingers... 
__________________ a couple pairs of pink panties... Another convert to the Church of Latter Day Swank, a sub-cult of Shahrislam "...Opportunity doesn't knock, you have to kick the fuckin door in and drag the bitch out screamin." -- Ullr "I have more respect for people who change their views after acquiring new information than for those who cling to views they held thirty years ago. The world changes. Ideologues and zealots don't." - Michael Crichton |
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12-15-05, 06:14 PM
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#1541 |
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IH8MUD Lifer
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12-15-05, 08:58 PM
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#1542 | |||
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I m m o d e r a t o r
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: If ya don't know, I ain't tellin'
Posts: 1,126
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Quote:
Glad you and yooper liked the routine. I was actually looking for this one, but couldn't find it until now:Bud, Lou and derelict in cell: Derelict: I haven't always been a derelect ... (looks at Lou) ... like you. Lou Costello: Don't call me those kind of bad names! Derelict: Would you like to hear my story? Lou Costello: No Derelict: Very well, then I'll tell it to you Bud Abbott: Go ahead Derelict: (to Bud) Thank you ... many years ago my father gave me the benefit of a very good education (sad music playing) ... then .. I met her. She was beautiful ... glorious. We were married. two years later - a baby boy. I haven't seen that boy till this very day. Lou Costello: Did you say a little baby boy? Derelict: Yes! Lou Costello: Did he have brown eyes? Derelict: Yes he did! Lou Costello: And two little teeth in the front? Derelict: (Excitedly) Yes, yes! Lou Costello: And black hair? Derelict: Yes! Lou Costello: Daddy! (derelict pushes Lou away) Bud Abbott: Oh what's the matter with you? Sit still! Keep quiet. Stop interupting the man! Lou Costello: Well, I thought I found my father! Bud Abbott: Quiet! (turns to derelict) - go ahead. Derelict: Thank you. We were very happy, my little family. One morning we were seated around the breakfast table and a knock came at the door. There stood a man. He was broken in health and spirit. I bade him enter, I welcomed him into my home. I said 'make my home your home'...and he did! One day I returned from work to find that home was no longer a home. My wife ... the baby... and the stranger had fled. Then one day ... at the banks of the Poko Moko I found them. Suddenly my brain snapped. All the years of pent up emotion of years suffering welled up within me. I knew I would never be satisfied until I had my bony fingers wrapped around his throat. So with murder in my heart ... slooooooowly I turned (acting this out as he speaks, focusing on Lou), step by step, step by step I crept upon him (creeping towards Lou) and when I saw the stare in his face ... I struck and I grabbed him (Grabs Lou and starts pushing him against the wall and shouting at him) Bud Abbott: What's the matter? Why are you interupting the man for? Derelict: My poor friend, I'm sorry. But everytime I hear the word Poko Moko, I just want to kill! Lou Costello: Take it easy pal, take it easy! Bud Abbott: See, everytime he hears that word: 'Poko Moko' Derelict: Poko Moko!!!! OOhh, I knew I'd never be satisfied until I had his blood running between my fingers...so slowly I turned (does action) step by step, step by step I crept upon him - and when I saw the streak on his countenance I grabbed him and I couldn't help myself (throws Lou against the wall and begins beating him up) and I was going out my mind (calms down, breathless) Lou Costello: (takes an exaggerated boxing stance) Bud Abbott: Stand still! What's the matter with you? The man's telling you his life's history. It's interesting. Derelict: My poor friend! I did it again didn't I? Bud Abbott: It's alright, it's alright Derelict: What's happening to me? Lou Costello: It's not happening to you brother, it's all happening over here! Bud Abbott: Just ... don't use that word .... Lou Costello: Don't ... don't ... don't ... don't. He means "Pocahontas!" Derelict: (reacts for a second) Lou Costello: (stopping him) Pocahontas!! Bud Abbott: Yes, it's alright Lou Costello: Sounds like Coko Moko or something Bud Abbott: Shhh! Derelict: Poko Moko! BBBRRRRRR...So slowly I turned! Step by step, step by step (Lou calls out for Bud in a quiet voice) ... and when I crept upon him ... I grabbed him and (again beats Lou and repeatedly slams him into the wall, then throws him across the cell to the other wall knocking his hat off) Bud Abbott: (angrily to derelect) Just a minute ... just a minute! Now you've been getting away with murder. Enough is enough. You understand that? I've stood by and watched all this! And I've let you get away with it ... but no more! (bends down and picks up Lou's hat) - These things cost money. Be careful how you handle them! __________________ 87 FJ60 Quote:
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12-15-05, 09:13 PM
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#1543 | |
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IH8MUD Lifer
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,776
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Quote:
 the Penultimate Thread
__________________ "Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -Benjamin Franklin |
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12-15-05, 09:20 PM
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#1544 |
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adrift in a sea of meh
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hey. when did this thread become #1 when you google "the ultimate thread"
thats awesome __________________ "there is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance- that prinicple is contempt prior to investigation" h. s. another convert to the church of latterday swank, a subcult of Shahrislam |
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12-15-05, 09:28 PM
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#1545 |
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IH8MUD Lifer
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,776
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Cause this is THE ultimate thread!
__________________ "Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -Benjamin Franklin |
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12-15-05, 09:32 PM
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#1546 | |
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adrift in a sea of meh
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amen __________________ "there is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance- that prinicple is contempt prior to investigation" h. s. another convert to the church of latterday swank, a subcult of Shahrislam |
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12-15-05, 09:36 PM
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#1547 | |||||
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To all a good night!
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__________________ Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Al Einstein '99 UZJ100 "The Iron Hippo" / '82 FJ40 "Mustard" / '73 FJ40 Quote:
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12-15-05, 09:43 PM
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#1548 | |
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ˇDel uno!
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__________________ stinky 1984 FJ60 & 1987 Tercel 4WD Sec of Inking and Inserts "My soul is an empty carousel at sunset." -Pablo Neruda |
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12-15-05, 09:46 PM
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#1549 | |
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IH8MUD Lifer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: One of Four Presidential Flying Saucers
Posts: 1,463
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Content-schmontent.
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surfpig